I am glad I stopped the anti-depressant. I think increasing my dosage made things worse. I felt like a sad zombie. Now I don't know if its the fact I stopped the anti-depressant or the fact great things are happening but I can actually feel happy.

I got a job! I had an interview last Monday and they just called me yesterday to offer me the position. I was afraid I wouldn't get it because I was 20 minutes late to the interview. I had to walk about 45 minutes to get there because I was too impatient to wait for the trolley. Im guessing they maybe liked that I was so determined to make it there that I walked 2 miles (more if you count me getting lost) and still did an amazing interview. Positive thinking worked in my favor. I kept telling myself I already had the job and it worked! They asked me if I'd needed any accommodations at the end but I immediately said no. They kind of chuckled like it was a dumb question. Its like they couldn't even tell I was disabled. Im going to be a Library Aide at the public library. The hiring manager even commended me on wearing flats I said of course if Im going to be working in the library I should wear comfortable shoes right? She said right lol. So basically the fact that I walked to the interview (instead of drove) and wore flats (instead of high heels) actually worked to my advantage because it completely blind-sided them from my physical disabilities. It felt great not to be judged on my flaws and now to have my first real job! I've only ever worked temporary internships so I feel really grown up having my first real job.

My bioness H200 came on Monday. I was so happy I shed a tear. Its like everything I've been waiting for the past 11 years lay right there in that box and it is mine. I will be meeting with the bioness rep who is going to fit it for me on Monday. Then after that, its nothing but exercise (except when Im at my new job). I love the fact that I live by myself. I am no longer confined to my room at home with my dad and brother. I have a whole list of things I want to try to do around my apartment with my bioness. I can not wait until I use it enough to where it straightens my fingers all the way. The bioness rep said we could even see if I can get signed up for some outpatient therapy since the rehab center we will be meeting at also has the bioness.

It is like finallly hitting me that I have everything I ever wanted (except the left field vision and the better leg) but really when I first joined as CagedBird I was a sad lonely depressed bullied high schooler who couldnt get a license, a job, or a real friend mad at the world who couldnt go a week without crying. Now the life I never thought I would have is here living on my own finally away from the depressing room I drowned myself in tears in, got a license but taking public transit by choice, working a real job, and have the power to move my left hand more than ever before. Today I walked (about 30 minutes) to the grocery store, shopped, and came home and made salad. I used my one-handed cutting board to peel and slice my cucumbers. I felt so proud. Im happy that I can feel happy again and I know its because I finally got the one thing I been praying for since 10-18-01; hope. Im motivated more than ever to exercise the pain away and start using that hand.