i did a BRAVE thing for a forty two year old woman to do. i took a LONG HARD LOOK at myself in A FULL LENGHTH MIRROR, DISROBED.

i haven't had the nerve to do that in over ten years. i decided that if i was going to TRY to "get my old body back", then i had to know what exactly i was up against. it was frightening, but i survived. i figured if i could survive a stroke, then i could survive that kind of potential shock too. lol

at first i was scared to look. i figured if my husband could stand it, so could i. i pulled no punches as i just DID it, i looked. it wasn't as bad as i had imagined. i do believe that i am still salvagable, with some work, of course. i started this 'i'm gonna get my old body back" routine right after the stroke. i slowly started losing weight rather than fast, cuz i had seen some friends my age "do it quickly" to be thin, oh yeah, but skin hangin' off every where, and a saggy face, to say the least. i'd rather be fat and young looking than thin and old and haggard looking. what a PLEASANT trade off.

it has paid off, my patience and perseverence. luckily, an intestinal illness that landed me in the hospital for a week, has left me UNHUNGRY, a GODSEND!!!!!!!!!! it's better than gastro intestinal bypass surgery!!!!!!! i am NOW, after over a year long struggle, I AM WITHIN 10 LBS OF HIGHSCHOOL WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUNNY THING, though, my butt is one inch smaller( go figure) and my bust one inch bigger, and my waist 3 inches bigger. i can't remember the other measurements, so it was a moot point to try and compare. i could SWEAR that my legs are smaller and my arms bigger too. and i AM SURE my nose has gotten bigger. how come every thing SHIFTED??? WHERE DO SOME OF THESE INCHES GO, AND WHY ARE SOME THINGS SMALLER AND SOME THINGS BIGGER???????????

i am hoping that this new gym i joined can shed some light on the subject. i joined a cardio care gym located at a local hospital with medical staff always on duty. at least if i stroke again, i'll be at the right place. i may never get the old one back, but i will die trying. now that i have gotten SO CLOSE, i might as well go all the way. it certainly couldnt hurt. i will never be satisfied though. thinking back on it, i wasn't satisfied with myself when i WAS in high school. i don't know what makes me think i will be now.

it's a goal. sorta, I guess. well, i better go for now. the gym is a waitin, and i'm supposed to be working too. i'll work on my mind next, it should prove to be a LOT more work than my body. lol. wish me luck on my "mission". i'll need it.

kim