I guess you can say a woman's work is never done and on the other hand a care giver is forever needed in one way or another. At least your daughter is older (teenager) and they seem to get sick or have to make those ER runs from time to time. I remember those days and being in the Army too where I couldn't leave or take off when my wife called to give me the news.

No cell phones then so all calls came through the commander and they had to know the cause I needed to leave and come home and their favorite question was "Can it wait until you get off?"

Now Dan is saying I got to come with you and it's a good thing you can leave him home for a short period of time. I don't know how far you are from a hospital but with the weather as it is time will be consumed to make any trip.

If you didn't have something going on you would get bored and ready to return to work..

When Ray had his first stroke and 3 months of rehab, six mnths off work, my children were 15,18 and 21. None of them had a licence and so I was still taxi driver to all of them as well as supervisor for the 15 year old. I know that feeling of being torn between the caregiver and mother role. But your kids need you and you are the only mother they have so you firmly tell your survivor: "I am sorry I have to do this" and whatever it is you do it and he has to understand that.

The bottom line for me of course is that strokes continued, all seven of them and so we revisited this situation many times but the children were grown up and gone and the person who missed out was me as I did not see them as much having had to break down that mother/child bond in order to be a full time caregiver to Ray. I am reaping the bitterness of that now as they are used to me not being in their lives and a once a week phone call is the contact I get. So don't neglect your kids, they are important too.

Sue.

Nancy, I'm sorry to hear about this stressful situation. My first thought it gee, it sure sounds like a peanut allergy. Is she keeping a food diary, or every bite she eats? If not, they should have had her start that the first time this happened. She should be reading labels on what she eats & drinks, to pick up on things that are in there she doesn't realize. Please let us know what they find, this needs to be solved, and fast!

Nancy, so sorry; I wrote before dinner but it disappeared (you know how that is)! Let me just say again, you are a GOOD mamma; this sounds like it's scary but you are all over it and I bet your daughter is fine with her boyfriend shuttling her back and forth (I remember being her age!) Your kids are strong and stepping up to the plate, getting stronger with each crisis. Thank God for cell phones, you can be so many places at the same time. Hopefully by now they have diagnosed or at least found a temporary remedy. Keep us updated!

Nancy we can't protect them from everything - but we want to! if she is going to be dealing with this she will need to know how to handle it -epi pen etc benedryl- exactly as you said - now--- you know about it so can work on fixing it - our kids are not always up front with us & you can't deal with what you don't know! I use my wheelchair in the kitchen: wheel to sink using feet fill water glass - wheel to table to drink.

if he likes reading or magazines set him up with that. Napnapping always passes time - guess it depends on what he can/will do for himself

that's how we start figuring out how to do things.

I guess you need to find an allergist - in your spare time.& get someone working on figuring out the trigger so she can avoid it.

would it help to set Dan up t onap while you are gone & go short times to prove it will be ok.

Nancy I understand the guiltspend a lot of time alone - I keep busy , computer work kitchen cleaning . I'm ok to get up & go to bathroom I have the correct assist handle.

I always have a phone on me - keep the door locked & curtains closed- look out a bedroom window to see who is here - just ignore if I don't know themi have a cloth bag I hang around my neck & always carry a handset in it . we have a tv in the bedroom - often I'll nap while he's doing errands.

can Dan get in & out of bed by himself ? & get to the bathroom. ot in & out of his TV chair?

somehoe he needs to understand sometimes you just have to do things to run your lives.

Silly me expecting a man to understand & not believe all these things just magically happen.

Wishing you the best Nancy

Susan from Alberta Canada