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My Weston update


nancyl

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We have our 1.5 yr old grandson for a week..... And it has went so much better than I envisioned... Of course Weston grew up around Dan so he is well acclimated to staying out of the way when grandpa is walking, not crawling on him, and generally just leaving grandpa alone.... It's a bittersweet thing to watch, sometimes Dan is engaged and enjoys him, other times will avoid him like the plague... He can be tender sweet and mean as a snake to the kid,.... Every now and then we as a family go to a restaurant and Weston will fuss and Dan will loudly say SHUT UP goddamn it....... Causing people to look , and so then we are correcting dans choice of words, trying to teach him to say quiet in a hushed voice... And of course we plan ahead as much as strokley possible, nap for grandpa and Weston, activities for both at the table while we wait to order.... Some might say why put yourself and them through all this, well I am 46 I love my husband and I love my grandchild and family... I am going to do everything humanly possible to make memories that include the whole family..... I live in constant fear of neighbors opinions, strangers opinions,the what ifs and the why me,s......but at least we are not yet down and out, the day will come when I slow down our world, but I have to move forward... Sometimes dragging a kicking and screaming husband with me... The jury doesn't is exist with enough knowledge to truly judge what I do or don't do to try to improve my life, dans life and the families life.... On another note the assistive chat is still something Dan is working hard at.... So proud of him, but he works till he exhausts himself mentally... He wants so badly to be able to effectively communicate again..... I have driven to church on random days many times because he has not been able to communicate he thinks it is church day ..sat. Mass... So I have no idea where he wants to go . And he has no idea it is a Tuesday not a Saturday... The wonderful world of aphasia, I do orientate him often through out the day... But he starts to ignore me , the pest I am and doesn't, can't really hear what I am saying........ So we drive to the church see the empty lot, then he is open to the reason it is empty....and church is a production, we rarely miss, he used to usher every week so lots of greetings every week, but many tears to from Dan as he watches others usher and he knows he most likely will not again....the church even recognizes him and bring him the host and wine to him... Dan just hates being taken up front on display.....well my update, my sanity, my diary so to speak...... Everything we write in it changes in appropriateness and circumstance but it is a record for others to use as a map of where to go or not go.. And where we have been....

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"...as much as strokley possible...", love that; hope it's not a typo. I might just use it myself!

 

I know how worried you were when Weston was born, that you wouldn't be part of his life, and I'm so glad to see it's turning out OK after all. Going out to eat with you and Dan will be among his first memories. And this is a good thing for Dan too; just like any learning process it will take a little time, with a few curves, but having the baby for a whole week is a great jumpstart!

 

I find myself now more and more caring what people think of us in public. Maybe this is part of the recovery process. Everyone used to jump to help us, but maybe it was because I looked like I needed or wanted help? Guess I seem like a pro to strangers now!

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I'm so glad this is working for you all. I was afraid it would be a super stress mess. It is great how you focus on family memories :)

 

Nancy, I wonder if a calendar with a picture of church on it on the correct day would be any good at all for him?

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Before stroke, I was always the "go-to" babysitter for my two oldest grandkids (now almost 6 and 8). The youngest two are twins who are almost 3 and live about 2 hrs away. I spent a lot of time with my youngest daughter when the twins were born and expected to make frequent trips there to help out. Then stroke took that all away from me. It has been one of the most heartbreaking aspects of this stroke journey beyond the heartbreak of seeing my generous, active husband so severely impacted by his deficits. Thankfully, the twin family come and stay with us often so I do get to see them but the older two don't have the easy relationship with us they used to have. I still see them often but it isn't quite the same. Still, we make time to get together as family as often as we can and that keeps the relationships alive.

 

I'm so pleased you were able to pull off that week with Weston. It is a lot to take on and, yet, it is so special and I can tell it has brought you joy. You are doing an amazing job keeping up with all you do and maintaining family and social connections as well. ~~Donna

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Nancy my little Granddaughter will be about 1.5 years in April I waited a long time for a grand child I'm 61 and am heatbroken I can't care for her. her Mom is 41 & having a 2nd by Csec in April & could use a capable Mom to get through this. It is so hard to not be totally bitter about this. this isn't about something material I can have -- it's about not being able to participate in a treasured time of life & help your daughter you love with all your heart. even without stroke - we girls are more chill about little kids & restaurants - kids make noise! - and this isn't bad behavior in one so little all we can do is keep the puffed wheat coming. Men can't chill the way we do - it's Dan's behavior - not Weston's that is wrong.

As much as we want it - not every family gathering can be perfect - after all we are imperfect humans

 

 

Nancy - I can tell you love your whole family very much and are trying your best for them

 

Don't be too hard on yourself - the gift of unconditional love you are giving will be with them forever.

 

 

But why does it all have to be so hard?

 

it is so hard to get up each day - knowing it is going the be the same struggle.

 

 

Susan from Alberta canada

 

 

 

We'd sure be up the creek without a paddle if we didn't have this place

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Nancy: you do what you feel is right. There are the good days and the bad. Our Izabella was born two weeks before Bruce stroked. She knows no difference. Papa Bruce is in a stroller (LOL) and when I am there it is "mine." For that we are blessed. Our Brittany is the one having the problems. If she can focus on helping out: running errands, cleaning, laundry, she is fine. She can not sit one-on-one with him or help move him without breaking down. So she brings Izabella, leaves her with us and takes the list and moves through it. She also plans the family stuff with just the one side of the family that she knows Bruce is comfortable with.

 

The one thing I do suggest is a daily newspaper. I don't know if Dan would read, but in Bruce's case, it is imperative to the day and orientation. He reads it cover to cover. And Nancy, in all fairness, if you quizzed him, he can tell you about the article. But most days when I get up, I ask about the day and date, I ask him what is on the calendar. This he reads and looks forward to. The calendar is posted in the kitchen, where he helps with breakfast and always reads. Then I ask him the weather report. Also understand that this is Bruce's focus, so of course, he is on top of it. It is mostly his day out, plus his responsibilities are fully outlined - he does not have to think, just be ready to go. This works for us. It is not perfect, but we get by. Just a thought. Debbie

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Hello Nancy, you doing great, and please stop worrying what people are saying. A wise man (my dad) told me that if people are not talking about you , they are talking about some one else. My grandkids who are now 8and 5 helped me . My grand daughter would not come near me when I was in the hosptial after I fainted while I was walking with them. Now they understand that Grandma can not move like she used toLOL. I enjoy my time with then , they grow so fast.

 

Yvonne

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