when i first came back to work in february 2004, after my stroke in 12-03, i sat in front of this very computer in a stupor. i don't know how long i sat here, and remember very little, but i do remember crying. i was alone, in the physical AND emotional sense. i sobbed until my sides ached and my eyes were swollen. i DO remember thinking, how do i turn this thing on? next memory, finally getting online and putting in key words stroke and support. since there are no groups around here for this type of support, i knew i needed help or i was'nt going to make it.

i was in the deepest heart wrenching despair that i had ever know. it took me HOURS to eek out my first real post entitled something like..." people say i'm lucky and i'm sick of it. " after that, i didn't have the where with all to figure out how to even use the site. i forgot about even finding it until i kept getting these email topic subscription replies. the more i responded the more reponses i got until ONE DAY, i actually "clicked" with another member and we became pen pals. he made me laugh. he was much older and like a father figure, but he pulled me through some rough days. he's probably unaware of what he meant to me then.. i must tell him one day.

then, over a few months, a lot of mistakes, and let downs, i FINALLY got off much of the medication which i believe to this day was a detriment rather than an attribute to my over all health. anger, frustration, tears, depression, i have had it all since stroke including the WHY me , over and over. but somehow, through it all, i actually made friends here. REAL FRIENDS. people who REALLY care, caregivers, survivors, and others , alike. i can smell insincerity miles away, so i know when it is real and when it isn't.

so, i have been a member here about 15 months. since the beginning of this year, i have truly "blossomed" thanks to the support and friendships i have cultivated from this site. i only hope that in some small way, i have been a friend back. i don't have many friends anymore, for various reasons, mainly since the stroke, but i have replenished my "friendship" vessel with people from this site. and for that, i am eternally grateful.

i wont name anyone for fear of leaving someone out, yeah, i'm BETTER, but i still don't trust my memory!!!!!! i KNOW that is understood. you KNOW who you are. if you are new here, give it a chance, you may be surprised. if you are an "old timer" then you already know what i am talking about. my heart and arms are open to anyone and everyone who wants or needs it. i'm being sentimental now, but i'm usually so SILLY , i didn't want anyone to think i was so spaced out that i had lost track of what this site means to me, and what it is all about!!!!!

WELL, THAT'S IT FOR SENTIMENT TODAY, i better think up something funny for my next post or ya'll might think i'm CRAZZZYYYYYYYYYYY

LOVE TO YOU ALL

KIM