Jhari's Blog

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Another Day


Jhari

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My daughter and I had planned on going to see mom today and have lunch with her. I made up some little sandwiches of tuna salad and egg salad on pumpernickel cocktail bread and Amanda brought chips. Plus we had yogurt, pudding and reese cups. While I was getting ready to go my brother called. I had not talked with him yesterday. He had seen the oncologist yesterday. He is still having trouble with his left arm and leg. They did start him on a steroid, hoping that may help some. He is not going to start the chemo pill they had talked about. He asked the dr. if he did take the pill, how much more time would that give him. Only 2 months. So they started the process of getting help from hospice, hospital bed, all that. It has been 5 yrs. After I got off the phone, I cried for awhile and then pulled myself together. For the rest of the day I've had a stomach-ache and just feel kinda sick.

 

I went to the home and my daughter came, we ate. We really had a good time. Mom was in a good mood and she even joked around with Amanda. I just feel like I am being pulled right down to the ground, though. You know that real heavy feeling inside. I have been trying to prepare myself for this day, grieving before the actual day of grieving, so I didn't think I would feel this sad. But I do. This is the time to put my money where my mouth is and lean completely on the grace of God to get all of us through this.

 

So on we go, right? It is what is is.

6 Comments


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Sadly, it is what it is. But draw stregth fom you faith, your family, your friends. Put out prayer requests whenever you need prayer. We are here and available to pray for you and with you. I cannot conceive what I would have been like during this journey without prayer.

 

Nice to meet you in chat Joni, I hope we can do that more often.

 

Sue.

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I know i sit immobalized -- much of the time, grieving as you say before grieving... you are strong.. you moved forward with the day --you have to , i have to ----- you and your daughter and your mother all had a bit of stolen time to create a memory... not really stolen but rare-- right ?? a good day and a sad day... i am happy for you and sad for you... but i totally get it, as do we all .. so glad we have a little burrow to come and store our secrets ( the things people would never understand) and share with the people who do... hugs...and tears....with you in spirit..

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Joni: I am so sorry and please do know I will be praying for you and your whole family.

 

One has to respect your brother's decision. Very brave. He has made his choice and wants to spend whatever time he has left, his own way. The steroids should help a bit, especially with energy levels and that is just what he needs to get him set up, through paperwork and to make his days productive while he can be. He seems to have reached a level of acceptance and has made plans as to how he wants to proceed. Again, very brave and to be admired.

 

You "steel" yourself as best you can - you still have to deal with Mom and your own family - Amanda; to get all of you through this. But I really don't know if one ever is. We can bury ourselves in work, diversion, making plans, correspondence and talks, but when it is down time, the day's work is done; thoughts creep in. Take your moments. Allow yourself the grieving, in all aspects. Look to your faith and surround yourself with family and friends.

 

Think of how you can connect with brother and still tend to your work, Mom and family. Maybe he can Email or you can send cards often. He needs your love and support and I am sure truly understands that you need to be there also for his Mom, so will hesitate to put pressure on you. Try to figure out something that lets him know you are there as best you can be and yes, he is a priority, even if you can't be there in person.

 

Loved your day with Mom. The picnic lunch was just perfect. Please go easy, best you can and know I am thinking of you all. Debbie

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So sorry you are going through all the issues with your family. You are doing a good job in your help and support for them. I will keep you in my prayers as well as your family.

 

Julie

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You know as I read your Blog I'm wondering how this will affect your mom if she now knows about his condition? It could be real hard on her being where she is and not know his conditions.

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Joni

You and your family are in my prayers. Truest your heart and you will do what is best for all.

Please join us in chat so that you can talk some of this out we are here for you

Sally

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