Jhari's Blog

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Neurologist tomorrow"



The weekend wasn't too bad, very busy. We went to an Easter egg hunt at my daughter's house on Saturday. The grandkids came with us that afternoon. I took them with me when I went to see mom. When we first got there the nurse was giving mom her meds. She took a drink of water and (seemingly) swallowed the pills. When we got to her room, I noticed there were pills in her hand. I said, "Mom, you didn't take your pills?" She said, "Shhhhh, don't tell them. I don't want them." I tried to reason with her, but no luck. So I went to the nurse & got more pudding in the cup. Went back to the room, where the girls were with mom, and tried to get her to take the pills. She was getting really upset so I just set them on her table. I took her to the bathroom, got her washed up and ready for bed. When we went back out, she talked with the girls and laughed of course at Shelby's faces that she makes. Anna picked up the cup with pills in it and said, "Gramma, will you please take these pills?" And she did!!


Sunday morning we went to church. We had breakfast with everyone during the time we usually have Sunday school. Everyone brought something to eat. Then church. After church, we came home and just relaxed, all of us. We took the girls to stay with their other grandma about 6, and went on to see mom. So it was a busy, but good weekend.


I talked with my brother last night and he did not sound well. His left side is getting worse, not working the way it should. Of course, his balance is off, so he is having problems getting around. Hospice is coming tomorrow to talk with him and his wife. We are planning on going to see him on Saturday, but am wondering if I should go sooner. He has been kept alive by chemo and radiation for the last 5 years and now that it has stopped, I wonder how long it will be. I go in cycles in dwelling on this and being overcome with grief. I'm trying to just think about one day at a time and try to enjoy what I'm doing in this moment instead of thinking ahead. It's not working real well.


Today when I went to see mom, she was not in the best mood. PT said she had refused on Sat. and today. She said she just wants them to leave her alone. I felt so frustrated while there today. I finally got her settled down a little and was doing her nails, when the therapist came in. She brought in the thermawave machine and put it on mom's neck. Then she sat on the other bed in the room, behind mom. As long as mom couldn't see her or here her, she was fine. After 15 minutes of that, the therapist and I walked mom into the bathroom, with us on either side. She said that mom still has the stamina, but she is so afraid that she pulls against instead of helping. Mom has been complaining of a headache quite alot lately. Today I was so frustrated that I thought of cancellling her appt. with the neurologist, but at least I can ask her about the headaches. If mom does not want to try, I don't know what else I can do.

I just have felt like crying all day.


Then I read the other blogs and hear what all of you are dealing with. I have really been blessed. My brother is dying, but at least I had 5 extra years with him and we have grown so much closer during that time. Mom may not be cooperative, but at least I can get a break from dealing with it round the clock and she is close enough for me to see her every day. For these things I am very thankful. Life may not be fair, but God is good.


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Joni: your Easter celebration sounds just wonderful. I bet the kids truly enjoyed the weekend. And good for Anna, to step up. Nice to have that magic bullet on your side - LOL.


It is so hard to keep them motivated. So much work and so little results. But you just keep prodding away, best you can. And if you have to bring in the big guns - Grandchildren - you do it. And you have read how many of us deal with this issue, or not - LOL. Some days it is just too hard.


As to your brother, go with your gut. I remember the day of Bruce's stroke and I told his best friend to stay put, I would keep him informed. An hour later he was there. If you feel it, go with it. You will never regret the decision if you follow your heart. Maybe someone else can spell you off with Mom for a day and just maybe Mom needs a day off. So consider all that.


Praying for all of you, you know that. Debbie

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in total agreement with Debbie--- go with your "gut"...and you have to grieve --- before , during and after... and right now the smallest loss can seem huge... to you.. you can cry over losing your keys, but in reality we all know what the crying is really about, loss.... how much more loss can any of us take in such a short duration ?? dying is part of living and no guarantees for any of us ... but some times you want to scream ENOUGH!!! but you like me, are christian, so we do our best to follow our teaching.. Faith, that not in this life, but the next this will all make sense... our suffering and sadness... i believe their is a much bigger picture .. and i hope to see it someday... but only faith in Jesus will get us there... Hang in there honey, and do what you feel is right, no regrets then.... nancyl

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