Jhari's Blog

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Sad days



I did not take mom to the neurologist yesterday. She was not in a good mood when I got there and more than that, it was snowing, 25 degree temperature and a bitter wind. It's hard for me when she wants to go and I just did not have the strength to deal with that yesterday, so I cancelled. She has refused PT 3 times now, so that has been cancelled also.


Last night I talked with my brother. He sounded very weak. They brought in a hospital bed, w/c, bedside commode, the works yesterday. He said he hopes that it goes fast, because he's tired of fighting. He told me he is very emotional, crying very easily, so not my brother. My heart is breaking for him and his wife. We are still going up Saturday, but I am also going up tomorrow. I called my sister-in-law this morning to ask what I can do. Right now I guess they are settled. She is an RN, so that will be helpful. Although when it's someone we love, those skills just don't cut it sometimes.


My daughter is upset with me. she feels I am pushing her away. I don't feel that I am, she and I are so different in so many ways. She loves to have alot of people around all the time and wears her emotions on her sleeve. I, on the other hand, when I am sad I like to be alone, just to think things through and talk with God. My emotions are under wrap most of the time. She sees that as being cold and hard. Which may be so, right now I am just trying to get through all of this. When I go to see mom I cannot let her see what I'm dealing with.


So, I guess I am asking for prayers right now. My brother, Dale, says he is anxious and afraid right now. I am prayiing that he will have peace and faith. And praying the same for the rest of us and myself.


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My very best wishes and prayers for you and your brother.... mom is grieving right now to, in her own way -- i suspect... as are you... i know you/ we have become very stoic... if we start to to cry it won't stop, so we don,t start... we are fine pieces of china who have been dinged really, really hard... and if we let that ding turn into a crack we are afraid we will become useless, i mean -holding it all in- holding it together- is our job , right ? so we cant let that ding turn into a crack at any cost... luckily we have other fine china right here at stroke net -- all dinged holding it together with help - moral support - from others.... YOU are doing terrrific -- your plate ( your china) is as full as mine right now.... hugs....nancyl

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Jhari :


My prayers with you & your family. Nancy nailed it now I can understand my hubby's behavior better



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Thank you so much Asha and Nancy. Nancy, you described it exactly. That IS why I don't cry, because I'm afraid if I start I will never be able to stop. So nice to have someone understand that.

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I am so sorry to hear about your brother, I would be afraid too, and oh so weary if I had been through similar treatment. My prayers are with you for you and your family.


You don't have to keep all those emotions bottled up inside. You can find a place to weep, all that tension needs to come out! I used to do a lot of crying in the shower. Ray would go off to bed and I would think over the day and cry. Sometimes I would play music as well to ease back after the crying. The fear of cracking, of losing control is only a fear "Fantasised Emotion Appearing Real". Keep remembering that tears heal and it is better to release tension rather than letting it build up.



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Thanks Sue and Debbie. I am going tomorrow and if my husband can get off work, he will go too. The weather is supposed to be sunny skies and temps in the 50s. That in itself will help. I just need to see my brother. I appreciate all the prayers.

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Yes, you do need to go to your brother. I'll certainly be praying with you for his peace and freedom from anxiety. So many things we can't change. But you are being present to your family who need you and they are blessed by your love. Know that this is enough...even more than enough. Love transcends all. ~~Donna

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