Jhari's Blog

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My day with my brother



My husband got the day off work today and we went to my brother's house. It's about 115 miles away, takes about an hour and a half. I wasn't quite sure of what to expect. They have his bed in the family room. He looked very gray, dosed in and out, but wanted us in the room and he actually talked quite a bit, even joked some. Sometimes he just talked with his eyes closed. His left side is not functioning at all.. When hospice brought equipment on Tuesday, they forgot the urinal. So Tuesday night he tried to get onto the bedside commode and tipped over, pulling his right shoulder in the process. I was so glad we were there when the people from a "hospice house" just 7 miles up the road from his house came for an interview.I had never heard of these places. It is an actual house. They have only 2 pts. at a time. Family may come and go at all hours and there is a kitchen which family may use to cook or store food. He will be moving there in the morning. He wanted to stay home and his wife wanted that, too. This way she can just be his wife and not have to worry about the care. She is going to stay right there with him. We are planning on going up again on Saturday. I am so glad I went.


We got home about 5:30 and just went to the home to see mom. She was a little bit tearful tonight. I talked with her about possibly getting out for a ride tomorrow. It was in the 50's today. She got angry and said, She can't!! She's sick! So I dropped the subject. Later when i hugged her and told her I loved her, she said, "I love you, too. I'm so sorry." I asked her for what and she said because she can't talk and it's not her fault. I told her no it wasn't her fault and I would love her anyway she was and I was just glad she's still here. After that, she seemed to be in a more mellow mood.


I still wish there was some way I could bring her home and take care of her, but I know there isn't.


All in all it wasn't a bad day. I got through it without tears, at times I feel numb. Now in the quiet of our home I feel as though I could maybe cry for days. Praying for sleep to escape this life for now.


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Joni: and I do pray you are sleeping, or at least resting, at this time. So proud of you and happy you went and spent wonderful, special time with your brother and his family. Good news on the Hospice home and so thankful they could accomodate you all so quickly. It will make a difference for his family.


My neighbor did in-home hospice. 10 years ago, her home has been totally redone, pending selling except husband's room, which has remained untouched. So sad. And you know what, I can see myself there, as well.


These next days-weeks-months will be important to all of you and Joni, you have to work it out. Schedule as best you can. Mom and brother are too far apart to do this on a regular basis, so planning is important. And you have to plan in down time, reflection and prayer.


Mom is going to have her ups and downs, you already know that. And look at what you did! You visited after a very long and trying day and at the end of it, Mom was fine.


Please just remember "balance" as best you can. Praying for you all. Debbie

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I will be thinking of you and praying for your family --- thank you for sharing... funny how the blogging helps a little dont it?? I swear it is my only line to sanity... May god be merciful and kind to your family ( we know he is ) - but to question is to be human..--- give you strength and peace to bear this ... Nancyl

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Jhari :


I pray for strength for you to get through this difficult period. Just remember that you are trying to do your best, even when sometimes it feels not enough.

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