I agree with everything you said and stick to your guns Nancy you are a tax paying citizen like all the rest of your neighbors living there. Your money is the same kind as theirs. No one is giving you anything!

Nancy, with North Dakota winters I would put in 5 ft. If the neighbors don't like it, pave the whole yard.

Nancy: as long as you are within the Condo rules or have the variance, you go for it. Whatever makes it easier for you and for Dan.

Carl and I were talking about that Condo I looked at. This is a huge complex and I am sure there are many issues. Owners get car ports, Renters not. No WCs on the small island they own. You can fish off the bridge, but can't go onto the island. And the whole complex is built on a hill - Carl had to take Bruce down backwards and Carl is a big guy. Bruce could have gotten in the front door if I had brought our portable ramp. But again, if I had known, I would have just parked in the back where it was flat.

That being said, the Condo itself was wonderful. Bruce and I would never relocate in Connecticut and there are many Handicap communities available, especially south of us. Thing that amazed me was the layout of the home.

I'm easy. If Bruce is safe and has some sort of independence, I would be happy. Marked doors (brand new) and removed molding doesn't bother me. I want him out. I would love to have him use his scooter for longer seasons. Cognitively he is great. I could send him out on the scooter to do bankiing or groceries. Go to a library or a movie. Nancy, I think at this point, I would even accept the occasional incontinence if he just had a life. That is what we, as caregivers, strive for. All Sarah wanted was a wider turn for the WC. All you want is for Dan to be able to walk safely to his patio. Why can't people get this?

And really, how much does it affect you? Things aren't pretty or uniform? Does that truly mean anything? There but for the grace of God - my mantra to anyone who gives me a hard time. I am sorry you had to wait for the guy in the WC, pushing a grocery cart, being pushed by his wife. Fortunately I have perfect strangers, probably dealing with the same issues, who say "Bless You!" Rock on, Debbie

I agree so much---- It certainley has opened my eyes to the ugliness of human nature( of course i knew this as a jailer for 20 years but these are well, to do "christians"... and believe me i am not knocking the christianity.. but jesus talked about what is in our hearts -- our intentions and actions when no one is watching... and holy cow.. I am totally suprised in the early days of the stroke inmates who had work release were sent to my place to help with home improvement issues... and not ONE would accept payment from me.. and one young man continued to come for a long time after his release...yes these were not big time criminals, petty stuff mostly - but i have seen much more kindness in the jail to other handicap inmates than i have seen here at my condo.... but hey -- i know who and what i am, and i know pretty much who they are to... and not All of the neighbors are bad.. but the "bully" usually rules in most situations. and that is what started this all - I stand up for myself and this guy wasent ready for that.. his wide girth usually scares people and he enjoys intimidating... but i have stood toe to toe with the worst of the worst and didnt back down then nor will know... but i have learned -- i know what i want and need in my home... and i have some ideas.. so if i can wing it i am gonna build pretty much what i have here.. as debbie said the layout is perfect.... wouldnt change hardly a thing... but a big fence will be the first order of business. for those viscious dogs of mine... LOL and debbie truly -- very few people get the big picture of life--- the does this really matter??? very little in this world is important --- ( materially i mean) .. i figure if it can be bought or fixed - who cares... but you cant buy or fix people if they are broken ... and i refuse to make a person feel bad over material things... it just dont matter.... OH you dinged my car by accident - no buggy... but if you did it because you are malicious or on purpose or reckless.... then we got a problem,..... comes back to christs teaching - what is in your heart? I wont pretend to know -- but sometimes it is to obvious..... and yes debbie gotta love the strangers--- often they are better than friends... or neighbors... i have been blessed in passing by more people than by people who profess to be family or friends or neighbors.... oh ---enough ramble for the night...

And Nancy, that is truly the sadness of it. Does the fact that all sidewalks conform to each other define you? Do you find some sense of control in torturing your neighbors? My neighbor does not have good lawn control. They are a very busy family - three kids, Dad a lawyer, Mom a nurse. 4 of the craziest, unruly dogs you have ever met. I can't tell you the number of times I have come home, found most of the dogs in my house; Kira holed up in the upstairs bathroom because they got out, came to our front door - Bruce was alone and let them in. The pleasure Bruce gets from this is remarkable! I can't explain to Dawn enough that this is OK and we are both pleased the dogs are safe. It takes Kira some time to calm down. But this is being a neighbor, this is what is important. Looking out for one another, being there when needed.

Those moments fill your heart. Give you hope and strength to deal with whatever is on your plate - and all of us have full plates. Recognizing that all you really have in life is your soul, who you are and what you bring to the table.

I am like you - little women are the worst - LOL - go for it baby and I will win every time. Because I really don't care what you think as long as my Bruce is safe and warm and your family safe and warm as well. I am just at peace knowing I will go to my grave knowing I tried my best. Debbie

Debbie you nailed it.... there isent much i wont put up -- in the spirit of- hey "crap " happens.... and i never even prestroke was the person who felt the need to control all.. certainley not my neighbors... i did have a routine at work and am a believer of being in front of problems and not getting rolled over by them... but even then knew there are so many variables to everyones life.... and i bet bruce does get a huge laugh out of the dogs... they love everyone and are always happy to see you... my cats and dogs really live and love together both tag and cloudy ( cat) are cold blooded animals and love to snuggle together... they are always entertwined .. and cloudy has a way of always touching everyones face with her paws and the dog snuggleing is no exception... so sometimes i am laying or reclined rather the dog jumps up snuggles in behind my knees , rests his head on my hip, the cat will then cuddle with the dog and yip yip the pain in the butt he is jumps up and joins in just because.. LOL rocky our other cat is a true tom tom in nature and loves to lay with dan... and dan enjoys him a lot... ... oh well like you i want togo to my grave knowing i have done the best and been the best i could.. for dan and pretty much everyone i could have the privilege of encountering.... i hope i dont end up becoming a bitter ole lady , but my kids will be quick to let me know i am sure....

Nancy: my fear also. My best friend was divorced about 10 years ago. She got all three kids through college and marriage, but is basically living alone now. Her older brother (the only son) was killed in a car accident when we were in high school. He had just finished a tour of duty in Vietnam - a medic. Was home about 3 months. Her parents never got over his death and my BFF has taken the brunt of that. Her mother is miserable and has almost no interaction with my BFF except through the grandchildren or with emergencies.

The saddest thing is my BFF is turning into her Mom - a sad, unhappy and critical woman. My heart just breaks. I know a lot of it is losing me, along with the kids moving on. And she does have two beautiful Granddaughters that help get her out of her world.

I just don't want to turn into a bitter, old woman, who is mad at the world. Bruce has a wonderful love for Mother Nature. He was quoting Robert Frost today. Another reminder that my boy is in there and continues with recovery. Debbie