Jhari's Blog

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Life Goes On



Yesterday I signed the papers on Mom's house. I will get the check on Monday. I am planning on buying a double gravestone for mom and dad. Today is the 43rd anniversary of my dad's death. I am allowed to have $8,000.00 in assets for mom. She has a life insurance policy that counts as $4,900.00. So I have to spend down to $3,000.00. I'll probably put more into her burial fund, have 7,100.00 in that now. Plus she needs new clothes, alot of new stuff. The Public Assistance people have been very helpful and very nice in helping me figure out how to spend down the money.


Yesterday was a good day for mom. Actually the whole week has been pretty good. Monday and Tuesday the grandkids went with me and that made her very happy. Yesterday was so nice outside. We sat out on both porches. She likes to watch people coming and going. The front porch looks out on the lake and there are ducks and geese to watch.Yesterday she said while patting her mouth, " I wish I could..." I said, "You wish you could talk?" Then touching her head she said, " It's all crazy language in there. Blah, blah, blah, I sound like a baby." I said, "I know mom, but you're doing so much better, and I can understand almost everything you say." She said, "I know, I guess I just have to live with it." I thought that was pretty good.



There are about 3 more recent admissions with aphasia. One is a young man, 54 yrs. old. 2 are ladies about mom's age, and they have been placed at mom's table in the dining room, for therapy purposes. I am so happy about that.


Has anyone seen the video, (which came from Stroke Network) called Heart to Heart by Marc Blac. It's on You-Tube. It is so good. I showed it to my daughter and grand-daughters and they cried. It shows how aphasia victims are trapped inside their mind. It shows the words in their heads and the jibberish that actually comes out. I told the speech therapist and the administrator about it. Hopefully they will watch it and find it helpful in dealing with all of the aphasia patients. At least most of the nursing staff seems to be "getting it".


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Joni - so glad to hear from you. I do pray that getting through your days are a little less painful and you are working through the loss.


Was glad you have someone advising you as to Mom's assets. This is so important. I do hope they will allow some "gifting" so that Grandmom can leave a little something to the grandchildren and you are able to have a little stash for special treats for her.


Being with Ray and Dan, along with Bruce - all aphasic, so interesting to see them interact. Lots of nods and thumbs up. I was concerned for Bruce at first, but Nancy and Colleen assured me that Ray and Dan did just fine together and they were right. Cognitively they are all there, as is Mom. That is why she is so frustrated.


But, your conversation was remarkable. You (and we) have seen such progress in her. Whole, meaningful sentences - progression of thought, continuity of conversation. Her progress is incredible. I truly did not feel that until Bruce was about 2 years post stroke. The physical stuff is so much easier to measure. With cognitive and speech it is such a slow process. As a caregiver, I found it hard to rejoice in small improvements because they often were short-lived, except when I looked at the whole picture - the years, as opposed to the days. Blogging certainly helped there because I could look back in my journal, see the improvements. While they may have disappeared for a few weeks or months, they came back and were truly recovery.


Good news. Thank you for checking in and I just pray your heart is mending. Debbie

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Thanks for your encouragement, Debbie. I am allowed to "gift" $500.00 a .month, which I have been doing all along. That will come in handy, I do use it for special things for mom. I decorate her room every season, and have been including her room-mate in that, plus treats we get from the tastee freeze, magazines, etc. It comes in handy.


It is so exciting to hear her use more sentence and phrases, There are still people that think she has dementia, don't take time to listen, and that is so frustrating. But at least most of the nurses understand and we do. The girls (grandkids) do so well with her. They read to her, color with her, and they are very good at figuring out what she says. This week her and Shelby (she's the stinker) were making faces at each other and mom said, "You think you're prettier than me. You stink!" We all laughed and then mom said, "I'm just kidding".


I am dealing with the grieving better, I guess. I am still allowing myself to just feel the pain and cry if I need to. I know it's a process and it takes time.


I'm also so glad to get a response from one of you. I know that all of you understand what I'm going through, though it may not be exactly the same. Thanks again. Joni

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spending down such a sad thing to do... been there done that, and then didnt need to in the end... LOL not really LOL but was preparing for the worst ... the selling of the life insurance part really makes me mad, the rest i could live with--- but the one thing we count on - in the event of passing for our families to assist them with costs of the ends of our lives really is dumb, you had to have paid for it, actually planned ahead and what do you get... rewarded with spending down... i mean it is life insurance ( yes even the whole life plans) its not really meant for the person who owns it.. you would think they could make you sign a waiver or something saying it will never be taken out during "your " life time... oh well more govermental stuff right ?? regards nancyl

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I am so happy to hear of the sense your Mom is making now, her interaction with the grandgirls and the enjoyment she is finding in life. I have seen so many in nursing homes in her position full of grumbles and gloom to the extent that the families no longer visit and while knowing the residents have a lot to be frustrated about that doesn't help.


Keep a watch n your emotions and rest when you feel tired, Grieving takes a lot out of you so if you feel sad as you will from time to time just take it easy. The world will wait.


(((hugs))) from Sue.

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Good things happens to good people, glad to read this report that it's all coming together at last!


Many years ago your dad went home and you are still honoring your mom right today and raising your kids too, how wonderful is that to be able to do all you do each day in your life! My praises go out to you for all you have accomplished in your life!


God is blessing you daily for all your deeds and caring for family!


"I did not see the video."

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