Jhari's Blog

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Better Days



The week has been a pretty good one. Since school is out now, I have the grandkids more often, which is a good thing. I have been taking them to the home with me when I go and that really seems to cheer mom up. Tuesday was mom's 85th birthday. There is a little room there for people to have privacy for family get togethers. I went over and decorated, party balloon, tablecloth, the works. Amanda and the girls came. We had little sandwiches, chips and dip and deviled eggs. I made a cake, too. Mom had a great time. I'll try to post the picture here.


The weather hasn't been the greatest here lately, so we haven't been on the porch much. Yesterday though was nice, so we all sat out there for quite awhile. One problem we've been having is that mom is going through pants like crazy. Usually I get there before lunch and take her then. Alot of times she starts peeing right when I pull her pants down. Floor gets wet, pants, shoes, socks. The last couple of days, I have been there later, after lunch, so I take her right in then and the same thing happens. Today when I went in, she had already had her pants changed once, I put her on after lunch and she did the same thing. So that makes three pair of pants in one day. She is supposed to be on a toileting schedule, but I am beginning to question that. It sure makes for alot of laundry.


I have to go to the lawyer tomorrow and pick up the check for mom's house. I ran into a problem when I couldn't find the deed to the cemetery plot. I talked with someone who keeps records for the cemetery and at first they didn't even see my dad's name. Today I talked with another person, though, who says my dad has a double lot, so hopefully that is taken care of. Then going through papers (mom was not very organized) the last piece of paperwork I found for her life insurance had my brother as the beneficiary. I really don't know what to do about that. Talk with the lawyer, I guess. We also have to go look at headstones, I have no idea what they cost.


So at least some things are getting done. I am still feeling pretty exhausted. Alot of people tell me I look tired, but I realized I really must look pretty bad, when my youngest grand-daughter told me yesterday that my eyes looked really droopy!


I am missing the chats on Tuesday, but I am having trouble getting into them. I hope you are all having a good week.


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I forgot to say (and this is very important) that mom walked for me today. It's the 1st time she has in about 2 months. It wasn't very far, but at least she did it. She did really well, she's still quite strong. Praying for more success tomorrow.

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Joni: first off, chats seem to change weekly, so I certainly understand your difficulty getting in. Our hosts are on the job, so some resolve may be coming.


Yipee about Mom walking! How proud were you? She's getting there and has you to thank. Your patience and diligence. You never give up and Mom knows that!


I want you to consider the urinary frequency. When you take Mom's clothing down, she becomes cold and she loses control. Please do continue to insist on the toileting schedule. Her best retraining. And do check in with that Nurse Manager often, letting her/him know you are watching. Maybe consider a re-eval on her anti-spasms meds. When Physiatrist increased Bruce's anti-spasm meds for his muscles, never thought about his bladder. Four months later, Urologist on board, finally a change in the bladder anti-spasm meds. And Bruce's caregiver knew this after one week! Same with Mom. Her muscles are improving, gaining more balance and strength. Maybe time to re-eval her anti-spasm meds!


Women have shorter urinary tracts than men. 2 inches in with a catheter and I don't have urine, I am in the wrong area - LOL. That easy with women. But also, the problem. No control. When it comes, it is immediate. I am sorry about the laundry, especially if you are doing it and not the facility. I get more angry about the Depends - at 75 cents each, bite me! I used to do four loads of laundry a day - it is now down to one or two on a bad day. But the cost of the Depends will put us over the edge. All those treats for Mom (or Bruce) go right out the window. So do stay on top of th Nursing staff.


So happy you had a good week. Healing honey, just takes time. Treasure those times with the grandbabies and rest, best you can. Prayers, Debbie

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Thanks Debbie. Yes, I was very proud of her and happy that she tried. It also helped that everyone we passed or saw us coming up the hall said, "Good job, Jane".


Truthfully I don't even know if mom takes antispasm meds. I need to talk with the DON about that. I know I have to keep after them, because things go along ok for a week or so affter I have talked with someone and then it slips right back. The home does supply depends, so that does help. I use my own wipes and yes, I do all of mom's laundry. I have seen the way other residents clothes come out of the wash. Not good. I always turn her pants inside out before I wash, them soak them for an hour or so in vinegar and detergent, then prewash and finally wash with 2 rinse cycles. It works pretty well.


I am so glad I am able to go every day. So many things go unnoticed/undone. I feel so bad for those who never have a visitor and just have to make do.


Thanks again, Debbie.

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a thought i have - because i created the situation myself -- is that you do come so often the staff have ( wrongly) assumed you will just "take care of it"... when dan was in the nursing home, i came every AM early got him washed up and ready for the day... so one day i was late - and the PT guy came and took dan out for a walk, there my husband was walking down the way with a soaked depends... how it held so much liquid i will never know ... he was not wet on his clothing just the depends was "sagging" -- we all know the look... it really made me mad. i was happy to care for my husband , but come on -- someone at least pay attention ... i am in no way trying to get you to "excuse" the staffs negligence, but to explain why it is happening... at least in my situation.... another damn if we do and damn if we don't..and yep everything shrinks in those industrial dryers...and i am sure your home like ours has a turnover rate that is crazy-- so once someone gets trained , they leave and the cycle starts all over again... i am so glad to read of the grandchildren -- what joy they can bring... summer respite for you ( well sorta, they are a lotta work )

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I will continue to have your mom in my prayers daily. I feel and think she will improve with a little more time and your coaching her to keep on trying to walk!

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I had a little mini conference with the don and the rnac today. The don is going to monitor closely what is going on with mom's toileting in the next few days. Nancy, I had thought about that too. The staff is used to me being there at a certain time and that's probably what's going on. I brought that up and the don said to let the aides come and toilet her while I am there.


Another issue was that every day just about at lunch, mom knocks over 1 of her drinks. She gets milk, juice and coffee. She does this little "shuffling" thing with her drinks (which drives me nuts) and because she does not see well, she frequently bumps into her glass and the drink spills. They have tried putting lids on the cups, but she takes them off. Today, I noticed the lady next to her had her drinks in cups with handles on both sides and a real sturdy hard rubber cover. So I mentioned that in the meeting and they have put in for an eval. of that. I felt pretty good about the meeting, hope it brings some results.


It was a nice sunny day today, so we sat on the front patio for awhile and then we went the tastee-freez near by. Mom had a flurry. She got right out of the van when I took her back, but in her room she started saying she didn't want to stay. That breaks my heart, usually happens when she is real tired. I layed her down for a nap and she was ok then.


It is nice to have the grandkids, they are 9 and 11, so they can do most things by themselves. They are a big help.


Thanks Fred for your continued prayers. I really appreciate it.

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