Up and Down (as usual)
Since my last post, I have gotten alot accomplished. I picked up the money from the lawyer on the 14th and deposited it the next day. After talking with the caseworker, I learned I had 10 days to spend the money down. So I got the cemetery plot mystery figured out and made an appt. with the guy that sells headstones. My husband and I went to look at them last Monday night and picked one out and payed for it. The next day I went shopping and bought mom lots of new clothes, pillows, jewelry, comforters, whatever I could think of she would need or want. I payed off her nursing home bill and the remainder of money I added to the burial fund. Spend down completed. Last Thursday I faxed all of the receipts to the caseworker. Whew!!! So glad at least that part of it is done.
Last week was a bad week with mom. She was in a bad mood. One day the kids and I went and took her to the tastee-freez, She was ok until we got back, she did not want to get out of the van. She cried and called me a liar, told me she hated me. When we left she wouldn't even look at me. She said, "Shame on you". ON days like those, I am totally exhausted and heartbroken.
Therapy has picked her up again, due to the fact that she spills drinks frequently at meals. Her depth perception has really been affected. Yesterday when the girls and I got there, they were trying to get her to go to therapy, which was not easy. So the girls got her to go and were bouncing a ball back and forth with her. But then she started crying and asking me to get her out. So we went to her room. She started being mean to me again . I told her I realized that she was mad and I didn't blame her, but it wasn't my fault and if she kept treating me like that, I was going to leave. Her attitude changed right away. We all went on the porch and the rest of the visit was ok. Today we went again, not knowing what to expect, but her mood was good. We sat on the porch. Shelby and I went to the tastee freeze to get milkshakes for all of us and Anna stayed on the porch with gramma Jane. I know mom gets so frustrated because people do not listen to her. Today she was saying so many whole sentences that actually made sense. I don't blame her for being angry, but when she gets like that with me, especially when I'm tired, which I guess it most of the time, I can't handle it. I just wanna cry.
So, as usual. it's up and down, which is the norm. I told one of the nurses today, that you'd think by now I would realize it's up and down, but I keep hoping that someday it will be back to the way it was.
I am missing my brother so much, I still get home and think, I need to call my brother and then realize that's not an option anymore. I'm just taking it one day at a time, so very much to be thankful for, and trusting that God will heal my aching heart.