Jhari's Blog

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Feeling Drained



It's been months since I've posted anything, funny how time gets away from us. It was a very busy summer, had the grandkids alot of the time, which is a good thing.


In August, mom was pretty sick for a few days. It took the nurses 2 days to get a reply from the dr. She had a uti. I have switched doctors since then, by the way. After each series of the antibiotic, she still had the bacteria. She went through 3 different series of it. I finally requested that she be put on something prophalactically. So she now is on Macrobid once a day.


A couple of weeks ago, we had 2 wonderful weeks. She went to activities, stayed dry, I could understand most of what she said. Then all of a sudden, it all changed. Within one visit, actually. She was in a good mood when I got there that day and then her mood changed. The last half hour I was there, she cried and I couldn't understand what she was saying. I had to leave her while she was crying. That really broke my heart. Lately I just feel like what is the use. She is mad at me alot. She tries to tell me things and when I tell her I don't understand and try to help her to get it out, she just gets mad and says , "Yes, you do".


There was a big problem at the facility. There was a particular aide that was not very nice, I would say borderline abusive to the residents. Mom did not like her and mom likes all of the others. There were a couple other family members that saw this. I first went to the don and she really didn't do anything. Then I went to the administrator and he said there had been quite a few complaints. The aide was fired this past weekend. Hopefully this will made a difference.

I just feel so discouraged. Mom won't try to walk anymore and just wants to sit in her room. I try to take her out to the entrance where some of the residents and families gather and talk. She'll only sit there for a short time and then she wants to go. I don't take her for rides anymore, because every time I do she doesn't want to get out of the van. We did get to sit on the porch and feed the ducks a few times.


I still go every day and when I leave, I feel completely drained. I've almost given up trying to make progress with her, because she is done and she wants to die. I can't really say that I blame her. I will always go to see her, just feels hopeless some days.


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Oh --the season is changing and we all can feel it in the air. !!! I am so sorry for the discouraging "crap" in your and your moms world - the UTI's and the aid .. and the depression .. and you are tired - being a caregiver , grandma , daughter , wife and still mourning the loss of your brother.. you have been through a lot and so has mom... hopefully now that the season has changed , your world will slow a bit.. so you can regroup.... to you as well - one day at a time ----

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Okay my dear, take a deep breath, calm down., like Nancy said one day at a time. Some times, it looks like, nothing is going right. First the storm, then the sun comes out. I am please that the nursing aide has been let go, why do people do a job that they dont like?

As for Mom, it is hard to see your Mom like she is. Every time I call home, my heart gets heavy. The person I talk to is not the person who brought me up. My dear, they die when it is they time, not before.


You and my family are in my prayers.



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Joni, I missed you. It is sad to watch someone slowly dying a little at a time, it is worse when they are ill and unhappy too. I watched my Mum go downhill for eleven years all up, first her mind, then her body. It is hard to keep your spirits up and somedays it took me all my courage to go through the nursing home door to Mum's room, particulalry the last three years, but fake smile on my face in I went.


All I remembered was overwritten by the condition she was in but I would say: "this is my deat Mum" and the sense of duty clicked in. I thought that I would want my daughter to be able to do the same for me WHEN my time comes, as it will one day.

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Thanks for the encouragement. I don't know how you did it, Sue, with both your mom and husband. I guess you just keep going - and praying. Mom was a little better yesterday, but then she got real angry again. She said, "I want you to go home". I said, "Do you want me to leave now"? and then she said, "No, no, no". I think maybe she wanted me to take her home. She also told me I hurt her and I don't know what I did. I think sometimes she gets really frustrated when I take her out among other people and talk to them. I involve her too and that may make her even more angry. I don't know.


Mom's sister is planning on visiting her today. She lives 50 miles away and has Parkinson's. They haven't seen each other in over a year. Her daughter is bringing her. I don't know how that will go, it depends on what mood mom is in. I plan on being there, but sometimes I wonder if it's better if I'm not there. I just don't know anymore.


I will keep on doing what I'm doing, regardless of my feelings. It is my job and I feel it is my responsibility to make sure mom is getting good care and being treated well. I watched a video on Strokenet yesterday on a support group for people with aphasia. It made me cry. I just wish mom would try, but at 85 I guess she feels what's the use.

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