Jhari's Blog

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Better Days



Yesterday mom's sister and her daughter came to visit. They have not seen each other in over a year. I was a little concerned over how it would go. Mom was taking a nap when I got there and I let her sleep until the company got there. When they did come, I got mom up and we went out to the little dining room. I think mom did ok, but she had trouble getting the right words out (of course) and they are not used to it. Same response as most people - "oh my, she's so confused". But all in all, it was a good visit, they only stayed about 40 minutes. When we all left, mom was in a good mood.


Today I tried something different. I waited until after lunch and went to the home. Mom was lying down, ready for a nap. So I told her I would be back later, she was ok with that. I was gone about 2 hrs. I went to WalMart and on the way back, I got 2 cups of coffee and 2 donuts. When I got back, mom was up and sitting by the nurses station. We sat and had our coffee and donuts. Things seemed ok. I took mom to her room. She started getting angry, was trying to tell me something and I didn't understand. I told her I had to leave and she said, "why?" I told her my husband would be home and I was going to fix dinner. She acted really disgusted. Finally she said, "Just go then". I told her I loved her and left. I don't understand what she wants. I think maybe she thinks I'm going to take her home. Sometimes she seems to comprehend and understand things and then it switches back so fast. Sometimes within the same conversation.


So when I got home my stomach felt like it was in a ball. I just hate leaving her like that, but I know from experience nothing helps. I can't make her happy. Tomorrow I guess I'll go in the morning, I'm trying to switch things up a little, depending on what I have to do that day.

I just wish I could understand her more.


On the bright side, we have had wonderful fall weather this week. Bright sunny days, and cool nights. Yesterday was our 9th anniversary and although we did nothing special, maybe we will do something Monday, since there is no work that day - Columbus Day. Hope everyone is doing well.


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sometimes we try it "all" and yet -- the unpredictability of it "all" .. is hard to digest... believe me you are "preaching to the choir" LOL... but not LOL .... your are a terrific daughter, your dedication and love for your mom is so heartwarming .....nancyl

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You are doing great. My mom is going throught the same condition. When I went for three months, she would tell me to go home, that my husband needed me, get out of her house. Now I call and she say she is missing me. I want her to come over, so my sister , who moved in with my Parents,can get a break, Dad is ready, but Mom does not want to leave her house. I pray a lot.



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And that may have just been it - you came after lunch. She may just have been confused as to the time of day and why you were leaving. In fact you had to tell her it was late afternoon. Always try to orient her as to the time of day you arrive. Do not say 10. 10 am and have her repeat it. This is also a great exercise for the aphasia.


I had to do it with Bruce in the SNF - very early spring and the light had not changed yet. Especially dull, dark days. He had a huge window next to his bed and for that we were all so thankful, but even so, on some days, especially after nap he wasn't sure if it was morning or afternoon. So do make that a part of your routine now.


Light is changing again - fall is here and you need to change some things around due to your schedule. So get in the habit of trying to make sure she understands what day it is, what time it is, when you have to leave, etc.


I was so happy to hear the visit with Mom's sister and niece went so well. Educate to the confusion issue as you have been doing all along. You are her best advocate. Glad the week was better. Debbie

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So sorry your mom is having a hard time. You are doing your best by visiting her. It's hard to see our loved ones when they are not themselves. I have been there also with my mom who suffered a stroke years ago. It broke my heart.


Do something for yourself. You deserve it after all you have been through. Happy Anniversary!



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