last week my friend ( you know the one , the only one who matters anymore post stroke) - my friends daughter gave birth to a much anticipated baby boy.. sadly during birth the baby aspirated and although a c- section was done immediately, the baby suffered brain damage. Today they found out the true extent, the baby is basically brain dead . I feel so bad for everyone... a young life , never given the chance to live.. this was the parents first , so that empty sadness. Just all around sad...

Today dan had another neurology appt. and his doc and i were talking and she out and out said- i dont even know how dan survived that stroke - it had to be his onry-ness.. and while we all ( the caregivers ) know - many of our loved ones are at nursing home level care. and although we are not unique here on stroke net we are unique in the world of healthcare. Very few people do what we do, and if you cant do it you should not... but having some of the issues we incur on a daily basis is mindboggeling.. and for the most part ,not for the faint of heart .. Both the survivors are miracles and the caregivers are miracles . his doc told me once , cause i had thanked her for all the extras she does... we email often, in terms of dans needs and she always takes care of it immediately. but she told me - she does that for me because i work so hard for dan and it is so wonderful to see. and rare, because she said there is no doubt a nursing home would kill dan.. the psychological aspect of it. And to see us coming this far, makes it worth her while... But the reminder today from her that in reality Dan should not have survived the stroke much less do as well as he is, is amazing..

So I take all of that thought process with Dan, and think about that baby and wonder the same thing we all wonder WHY.. and then i think of Freds post and the preordained part of our death.. And ask why ? No answer ? just thoughts --

But I do know that there is a plan - we cant see, it appears chaotic, up close, as we are living it, but i am sure- there is a actual plan.

I think about the young mothers lie as she has grown up - she has struggled had her own crisis and plenty of issues. I believe those issues she was exposed to - prepared her for this time of her life.. and i think that this time of her life is preparing her for another - hopefully - better time in her life..

Just as i think about sadness and past lessons prestroke we as a family have had through the years.. all making us strong enough to withstand the events of the last 2 years ... the stroke, my moms ( grandmas) death... the never ending stroke side effects.. lots and lots of minor in comparison little tragedies .. it never ends .. and i am not sure it will... but i think for at least today, i have the strength to endure.. nancyl