OK folks --- here we go...Dan had another grandmal seizure ... and i have often wondered as we caregivers do. I wonder what i will do if ________ ( fill in the blank happens).... so now i know ... I and beth were in the bathroom with him... Dan has been refusing to drink or eat again .... day 3.... but we lost our wonderful friend ( wwII vet) and i wanted to go to the viewing to introduce this news to dan ... so he showered , had just finished brushing his teeth and BAM -- grandmal seizure. I am next to him in the bathroom catch him - balance more like it... he is not dead weight as he is so tightly contracted.... But if you move a person actively seizuring - you can hurt them, bad ( muscle can be broken and dan has has this happen to him) .. so i am attempting with beth to lie down with dan slow and easy --- i am not strong enough and beth has hurt her ribs - last week end ( was in the ER herself crazy SH-T - huh),

Anyhow i told beth go run ask our "neighbor" ( aka the gorilla) if he can help. Beth runs over beats on his door -- i mean BEATS the door, ( patio door ) and because a mirror works both ways she can see he is sitting there. He wouldnt answer... so she runs back... and best as we can we got dan down... we start oxygen... dan comes around after a few minutes... we call a ambulance - because something is not right.. dan's seizure was off schedule ( i expect one every 2 months) not one a week... and with his dehyderation - i just sent him to the hospital - again- ( usually i keep him and just deal with it) .. so the WOW- part of the title comes from that --- WOW deliberate indifference. from a neighbor.. i mean in the past 2 weeks the ambulance has been here twice and you dont even answer the door - his recliner at best is 5 feet from his patio door .... so now we dont matter-- we are not even human beings to these condo people - and i say "these condo " people because there will be more a little later in the story...

So dan goes to the hospital, and his oxygen is a little messed up -- down to 60 up to 95 .... down to 80 up to 90.... and he is running a 100.5 temp .... but since he was just in the hospital last thursday ---so 4 days ago- all kinds of tests run -- what the heck?? well another --- what is the guess ??? ------- UTI----- .... so it was cultured but results will take a while .. but we are on big gun antibiotic levoquin....

Now i have been working for the past week on getting dan into home health - we finally "qualify" since his rehab is officially over. apparently you cant have both ?? red tape B.S.... but our obstacle has been the musical docs around here, one needs to get a order almost a blanket order to have them draw blood, do UA's and do IV's --- which is home healths whole business... but a doc has to feel comfortable doing that.. and we are starting to feel the crunch here of musical docs... so the doc i asked to be his primary - is great but has really only seen us a couple times.. and with out her doing a complete ( and appropriate) check up on dan she wont order... whick i get / i understand... so i call for a appt and her soonest ? august 18th --- really i told the receptionist ( this is on last friday) dan needs to be hyderated now, not next month -- oh god - i beg.... so she squeezed us in this coming friday... hooray !!!! the train is coming - i am trying to get out of the way --- opps it hit us... now lets get drug for a few more miles... ( this is how i feel about it) -it is not anyones fault --- it is what it is..........

So today we have the seizure - for the most part i left him at the er and got him hyderated , tested all that... while i ran to do errands... our wwII vet friend who passed and i needed to do flowers for the funeral, get a card, do a memorial donation, go to the viewing meet his family.... Now this is one BIG family in size ( # of people) and in community reputation - this man was a legend ... he has been awarded so many honors because of his service ... he started a vetrans wall here in jamestown and revived a old military ( historical site) , he is a whose who around here... but he "adopted us years ago - although," he never met a stranger"

So the family asked me if we would bring the host up at the funeral mass.... this is a big honor .. either way "Dans family" is to be honored by Jims family, by this request... and even if Dan isent there ( remember it is Dan - we never know what each day will bring) Jims family want it done in Dans name even if Dan is not able to attend ( I WILL BE THERE)... so what a honor...

Now i have decided I will not live at this condo -- i would rather live in a dog house... i have put a lot of effort into this place , the sod - decorations all of it... trying in essence to make piece with the neighbors... working on training the dog...in general doing my best ... but no answer on the door- tells me there is nothing to salvage... so we went house hunting tonight ( while dan is at the hospital) and i found a perfect one--- so i am gonna do some thinking, and make some calls and try to raise the money...

NOW - Michel came home found out about this and went over and BLEW on this guy.... ( the gorilla) and the guy says he was sleeping , and had no idea --- maybe he was--- took a break form watching the mirror i guess..

And i will give credit where it is due---- the guy ( i will not call him gorilla anymore - just the guy) the guy wrote me a very heart felt apology.... I believe it was sincere.... he does take a lot of meds himself.. so it is possible.. and i was told once ------" never chalk something up to malice when it can be chalked up to stupidity ." now i guess i will just decide - to accept his apology at face value.. and drop my stone... ----- OUCH, damn if it didn't hit my foot !! I am out frantically watering my lawn this afternoon as it was very hot - and my sod costed a lot of money and was yellowing since it got mowed... and the nice ( yes i am being condescending) ole lady next door walks by and say's --- the sprinklers are coming on soon.. I said yah but my sod is dying now... and i am tired of everyone having something to bitch at me about that i am doing wrong . she dismissed me with her hand in that - you dont matter type of way- and walked on..... so i said ( her name) , i am doing the best i can to move out of here as quick as i can so i can quit being everyones problem...... she threw both her arms in the air and flopped her wrists and walked away ... I am a mother of 4 kids i know that action ..... so i said ---- Hey ! ( her name) go clean your church , you hear me ! go clean your church!!! All this FAKE christian stuff has really gotten to me... and she is the leader of this little pack... cell boss - the quiet one in the corner whispering in everyones ears... oh i know her i know her well.... and i just announced to the world I know who you are lady - and man does it bug you.... I see you right through your veil of "christianity" ...

Now Fred you know I am a believer and yep the broken souls need the church, but man - i can not abide the falseness of this all.... I watched a documentary on michelle ( shelly ) wright she was/is a country music singer who was "coming out" and at one point she is being counceled by a minister ... she will/has lost a big fan base ( country music) due to being gay.... and the minister said... be prepared for the --MEAN ,-- because there is no mean - like a "christian" being mean in christs name -- nothing is meaner than that---- And i always take to heart the lesson jesus gave when he said - throw the first stone- you with out sin.... So i am struggling to keep myself in check ... what a test ... ( head shaking) what a test.... deep breath Nancy --- don't hate , just get out of here...If this new house is in the cards it will happen - reason, season and time... I am confident Jesus put me here for a reason, but now it is time ( i hope in his name) to get out of here... or my own soul will bitter and wither...

During the past week i have dear friend whose daughter gave birth to a brain dead baby --- full term healthy, but something happened during delivery ... not anyones fault... the baby aspirated during birth , and although every right thing was done -- the baby suffered severe brain damage.. so my friends family is dealing with tragedy... and she is always , always here for me.. so i am attempting to be here for her , but yesterday we did lunch ( monday) and we talked and cryed over that baby.. today we happened into each other ( thank you jesus) --- we have been talking all day on the phone about her daughter, my dan, the neighbors ( i need a new term neighbors means friendly) everything, and we end up at mc donalds drive through across from each other ... so we went in and had lunch together and cried about the baby and the pariahs ( the new neighbor term) who live next door.... we talked about how god does give us what we need - even physically ( instinct) sometimes.... example we used, i see a paperclip on the floor, i pick it up because my attention is drawn to it, something compells me to pick it up... i put it in my pocket - later i or another need that exact item... sound familiar??

So wendy says - i am compelled to bring a candle to MNPLS as she was on her way getting a bite to eat before hitting the road - when she seen me... i am certain that candle is needed and she had it in her car.... but here is a odd thing.... i am leaving and she has 2 zucchinis in her car ( zucchini people always pawning that off... she said you want these i said sure i will cook them up...... well i go and get my veteran friends flowers and need something to prop the display so it dont move around while i drive -- i used those zucchinis, the curve was perfect.... crazy ........ and tonight i made a prediction to dans er doc ... we talked of dans " dissection" and how all he needed was a heparin shot at the point of it still being a dissection issue - before it turned to a stroke.... and i told the doc i feel compelled to tell you about the heparin shot and dissections ( easily online / medical thing) so he knows this stuff when he needs to - but i felt compelled to tell him dissection equals heparin... and i said unfortunately this info is gonna be utalized by you soon.... i may never know --- HIPPAA and all, but i am confident of what i told him will be of use soon...

UMMM what other crazy stuff _ and folks not everything is as chronological as i would like , but i am one manic -- BIT-H tonight... but by sharing with you, not only , can this possible help you - well at least entertain you -- i am able to get this off my chest -- in a safe place... no one gets hurt and the bodies stay buried --- just kidding about the bodies.... but my life... is real and i couldnt make this crap up if i dreamed all day about it... i will probably have more to add, please feel free to poke at me... everyone else is... LOL --- nancyl