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finding balance--- before i fall



well finding a balance has been difficult --- i have tried as you all know - everything under the sun to improve our lives... it has been tough.. but my recent visit with my girlfriend in the cities - despite all the sorrow has been a good experience... i do not feel good- i feel like i have been running a marathon and am exhausted. not the get a night sleep exhaustion but the deep down , bone tired - i cant stay awake exhaustion... but i think maybe we have accomplished something, what, i am not for sure... hopefully something good... but i need a break - and whining to you doesnt work - most of you other caretakers have it tougher than me.. i do have kids who help out... but the martyr i am hasent helped the situation.... tomorrow i will have my blood work done and i am planning a quick trip to NY to a benefit - colleen and ray introduced the benefit concept to me... and i met the people involved and decided this could be fun.. but the "decompression time for dan traveling isent worth it . so fly out friday and return sunday... and i have a local benefit group that i am trying to get promoted it is so unique to the US .... but "selling" it - and no i will not profit one bit - i want to start putting the word out.... the company is called HERO -- they recycle medical supplies.... most goes to missions - nothing original about that... but they also sell for a very low cost used medical goods the type the laws allows to be resold in the US) ... but they "plug" the holes of the ripoffs... you can get a wheel chair for 25.00 - or free even if you have no money ...but you need a script just as you otherwise would...all products are clean and in like new condition.. volunteer nursing students do the sorting of donations and the non salable items to US/ ND residents are sent to mission countries.. saving lives and our environment ... i know there others but they are pretty unique in the non profit sense... they are at a point of growing - and the start of this place began with purity -- 2 nurses who couldnt stand the waste.. started this out of their garages... another thought... Ronald Mc donald house --- wow all the help they gave my friends family --- wonderful little sanctuary.... those little pop tabs we are suppossed to save ,are the real deal - so keep them and give them to the local mc donalds.... Tag broke through his electric leash while i was in Mnpls -- and got himself lost -- so he went to doggy jail, one of my girlfriends bailed him out ..lol soon we will have a fence .... hang in there everyone -- and i say that to me as much as to you -- hang in there.....but it sure feels like the nails are pulling out of my "claws" nancyl


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nancy, my BIL just told me yesterday that there IS a place just like HERO in his town (the town of Islip, near Patchogue) but his part of the town wasn't included so he didn't go there and now he doesn't remember the name or even exactly where it was. He was trying to get some equipment after his hip surgery. Thanks for reminding me, I almost forgot but I will find out more and let you know.

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You are right about trying to find a balance being a devoted care giver as you are and have been for so long now. My wife was plum worn out before she went back to work but somehow she made the transition from care giver back to supervisor at the bank handling the money of their customers.


All the care givers here has my concerns for their well being in taking care of their stroke survivor. It's not an easy job but a big never ending job nevertheless.


I really felt bad for my wife knowing what she was facing in taking care of me and that alone made me understand what care givers face daily for their loved ones.


She was so tired and worn out loading/unloading that big WC and pushing me to all the doctor appointments I had and other places I had to go.


I hope you find that balance soon and don't fall. Hopefully Dan will recover more and can do more for himself as I did just before my wife had to return to her work job she quit to care for me.


Many wives has had to quit their jobs to be home caring for their survivor. Again I say it's not an easy job being a care giver and it wears your body and brain down. Some days you feel like you don't know who you really are my wife said many times.


My situation has made me feel so much love for her knowing she cares for me and me getting better little by little each day.

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Nancy: we have a Vietnam Vet who does the same thing. I got all of Bruce's canes, walker, shower chair from them. $1.00 an item with the verbal agreement that you return it when it is no longer needed and also any other donations one may have. And there is a retired helicopter mechanic in Plymouth, MA who does the same thing out of his garage. Makes so much sense. Good luck with your endeavor. And one suggestion for marketing, contact the local Case Managers at any subacute, acute hospitals, rehabs, SNFs in your area. I got the referral from Bruce's SNF, but already had the info from my SNF.


We too are in transition here. And it seems Julie has reached one as well. We are all at different distances from stroke, all with different issues but the final question, where next? And I agree, none of us have left a stone unturned or untried and are finding that we seem to be back at square one.


I too am looking for some time for me, some distance on all this. New projects. For me, anyway, Bruce either will or will not figure out the direction he is willing to go in and work towards. Every single day! We as caregivers have to do it, there should be some effort on our partner's part.


Please do let us know how the venture is going. Have fun at Colleen's and the benefit. Let me know about your bloodwork. Debbie

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on the cusp bloodwork was 10.1 -- but with the crazy doc turnover cant see my gal for a week ... so am just concentrating on sleep.... when i can get it... lol.....

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I know, and I think all 24/7 caregivers know, what you mean about the exhaustion. You could sleep 24 hours and still be exhausted. Your mind and body are BOTH exhausted. You're always doing, planning, ordering supplies, cleaning, encouraging, worrying, wondering what's next, on and on.


I have not heard of HERO. Is there any information online? I just donated all of Dan's medical supplies to St. Vincent DePaul. Oh my, I had about a 6 month supply of ostomy supplies, adult diapers(I hate calling them diapers!), soaps, lotions, sprays, you name it. Yes, I am a medical supply hoarder. You just never know when you're going to need something again!


I know I'm preaching to the choir, but please take care of yourself. Getting away for a couple of days usually helped me.



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