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we all get them - more since the stroke sleepless nights !! arghh


nancyl

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cant sleep, cant toss and turn or i will wake dan so i get up and check the internet out... i used to read or watch TV prestroke .. now i just dont have the concentration...s o i just thought i would share my sleeplessness with you all.... Hate this, i need the sleep and am tired but well, you know the feeling the millions of - what if's -that run through our minds... and to top it off i yawned and messed my neck up ,what the heck !!.... I do have my brief vacation planned -- more stress planning it and getting help than it will probably be worth but i need little just me time... so i wrestle with the guilt and the logistics of it... yes i know the answers - thats the problem... i NEED to do this for me -- so i can continue to care for Dan, but i feel bad about not taking him... but i am not up to the work that entails... and i want to do nothing, not listen for the - Hey, or check on him a bazillion times a day... but then i wonder will i even have any fun worrying about him... who knows ... just late night well early morning rambeling ( at this point) .... just was thinking about everyones sleepless nights...

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I have been having those nights quite a bit lately. I don't know why, just can't fall asleep. I would love to take a short vacation from the daily life myself but for one we can't afford it right now and for another Mike just can't function without me here. If I have errands to run and he doesn't want to go he just goes to bed and sleeps till I get home. He says life in the house dies when I am not here. He says he can't sleep at night if I am not in the bed when he lays down so even if I am not sleepy I still go to bed on his schedule not mine. I wish he had someone that he enjoyed spending time with other than myself that he would let stay with him and me go away for a couple of days but like you I would probably just worry the whole time I am gone. Oh well maybe by the summer he will be able to do a little more.

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Oh I can sure relate to both of you! The sleepness nights, the guilt of not being the perfect caregiver, the loss of my life as I knew it (which I obviously still haven't accepted). And then to find out that when I hired Pat to stay a full day with him while I went to see my girlfriends in the city for a little party, all I did was worry the whole day, and rush to get home. I was really surprised at myself..

 

 

I'm not even sure if I laugh or smile anymore when I'm with other people, was just up at Mom's and took him of course. He was yelling because her birthday party interfered with his plan of going to his favorite restaurant, so I had to take him there despite all the food my family had laid out (and then he wouldn't go in when we got there!); then the next morning he kept doubling over like he was in pain but of course he couldn't tell me where. Mom was ready to take us to the emergency center but luckily it passed before the baby shower started. Oh well, just trying to live with it all, but I'm no saint. I do have a lot of selfish thoughts.

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colleen i remember when we walked the streets of NY and my kids were pushing Ray and I looked at you in front of us.. I could feel the freedom coming off of you.. all of us looked at each other and laughed.. you looked so happy and carefree -- sort hippie like ( LOL) ..and Ray was content cause he had you in his sight... we all long a little for that freedom... unfortunatley like we just talked about - we never are free.... and i am glad i am not becuase the reason wouldnt be good , but i think it is the responsibility of it all........ and man o man did i mess my neck up... got those pain patches on it trying to loosen it up ....

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Cat - Mike is still struggleing with his new self.... he is gonna come around he is fighting mostly with himself.. but he has lost so much but yet is so close to it... Ray and Dan are both so affected it could never happen that they drive again.... Mike however might and that has got to be tough to be just inches from that...

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Stress and neck pain go hand in hand. I get it at the bottom by my shoulders; that's when I know I have to do some kind of relaxation therapy or muscle massage...not that it works right away, but the pain is not there for any physical reason, at least not for me. It's mental, and that means it's time for a reality check!

 

Yeah I love that feeling of freedom even though it only lasts for five or ten minutes. Like when Ray lets me go in the grocery store to pick up one or two quick things, by myself, and he waits in the car. Guess I shouldn't complain, he does let me do that all the time, especially now that it's getting cold. There still is a bright side, despite it all.

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Even just the overnight away and list upon list, check after check; and full intention of getting to bed early because someone is going to be up a 4am and ready to go! LOL.

 

Nope, 2:30 am and back over the review of the list - because I am sure Kira moved battery charger or took the wipes out of the Casino schlepp just to mess me up - LOL.

 

I can toss and turn, Bruce rarely awakens but if I get up and go to the living room to read or watch TV, he will wake up. Just the opposite of Dan.

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Nancy, when my fibromyalgia was in its most accute stage, I could start a massive spasm in my neck, shoulders, head, but just yawning. I rarely slept at all, and even while sitting, had to fidget a lot because my muscles would 'set up' and go crazy when I moved, if I stayed in one position more than a few minutes. Now I actually take 1 baclofen a day, as I can no longer take the flexerel with Bob. The more you don't sleep, the tighter the muscles are. I have had some pretty horrible hours like 2 hours a night, but over the last week or so, have been doing much better. I hope you can get your sleep schedule turned around so you don't go into a pretzel!

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