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Home again, home again- in a jig, jig


nancyl

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Well I tried a trip and I had a good time for the most part... Always worrying... checking my camera - my friend even got mad at me for checking the home camera while at a music show... but i did have a "good time" - you know the post stroke life has changed, type of good time.....whine, whine , whine ( cheese please) .... the guilt for leaving him behind and for lying to him about the trip ( i told him my girlfriend needs me to go to the hospital with her while she has surgery ) - yes, now my pants are on fire...but it is what it is ... and the selfish- stroke Dan can't let me go and have a good time, but can understand a friend in need.... grrrr hate that it had to come to this... so today i get home and he is depressed as- all get out- .. crying the whole bit, and i feel so bad.. we cuddled and "talked" and he just wants me... although he conceeds sometimes other people need me to... so that is the report of how the lying, whining chick went to VEGAS... gambeled a little - made some, lost some.. came home about "even".. didnt buy much- but did shop a lot ... found one small boutique where the lady /owner overheard our conversation of - wont buy it cause we gotta ship it then... no room in luggage ( believe me) .. and the gal - smart buisiness lady was very happy take care of that little issue if we bought anything from her.. so we bought a few items and she will mail them home .... so i am glad i did it but as always -- the amount of work even with it just being "me" was a lot the written instructions to the kids - playing out all the scenarios ect... had a nurse on call just in case.. and she was used - dan got so constipated she had to come and do a enema for him ( i have been the only one to do that - except when he is in the hospital.) when i got home today he was in pain from still constipation , the enema didn't clear it all ( never does) . and very depressed ... but he was hooked up to the IV and like i said i just cuddled with him... but while i was typing this, he had a BM - he couldnt feel it coming so OOPS the bed got it.. but he felt better .... so dealt with that , and now he is embarrassed .. so another reason for him to be depressed and upset... but i think tomorrow all will be OK.... but i had to share with my diary my week in "sin city" and since i had to lie to get there it is appropriately named , at least for me....nancyl

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Nancy - the next time just do whatever you need to go, go out the door, close it behind you and close your mind to home, open it to the world. I learned to do that. It was the ESSENTIAL "me time" that was needed for that long journey Ray and I shared for so long..

 

I am glad you had a relatively good time and yes, Ray was always depressed and difficult when I got home and I managed that. Remember the song: "They can't take that away from me?" well it is true. So remember the good memories of you and Dan, not the bad ones of recent times.

 

You will find the next time will be easier and he will gradually get used to the idea that you can't be there all the time, sometimes you are somewhere else and he is still okay..

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Sounds like you had a good time and you were set up with the security camera(s) . Full disclosure sometimes does not work, and everyone needs a break!

Terry

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Nancy, I tell you, I don't think I could be a care giver, that job takes patience but a break is always needed or you get caught up being and feeling guilty for not being at home with the survivor.

 

I was so glad to get out that WC with my wife pushing me and loading it in the car daily for appointments and on my scooter and driving myself every where giving her a needed break!

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Nancy: glad you are home, safe and sound and the family fared well.

 

You needed some time off honey. And I know you were still at least partly on deck, because how can you not be? But you have been on a treadmill for a very long time, under a ton of stress and still have the house to tend to, with the holidays on the door step. So you needed to do it.

 

I understand that there is no way Dan would have let you out that door without having to lie to him. And yes, I know that was a huge part of the guilt. But Nancy, it is how it is. He just would not have accepted it. So say a rosary and forgive yourself soonest.

 

I hope you rested and took things slowly. Happy Thanksgiving. Give everyone a kiss and hug for me. Debbie

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You did it right Nancy, no need to cause Dan to have a meltdown just so you could be 'honest'. Remember where honesty got you in the airport when they asked if Dan could walk thru on his own? Same thing! I'm glad you went and came back safely. And you know, Dan can be depressed as all get out, even when you are right there with him, so don't take it personally. :)

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Sandy, you got that so right! When we were not there the emotions were the same as when we were there only a tad more exagerated. You simply can't stop someone else from being depressed, they have to choose not to be and take the steps that make that happen.

 

Nancy, hope you are seeing life from a better place now you have had your break. Hope you are already starting to plan that next trip. Sarah who used to be hostsarah and I had a saying to cheer each other up: "Next year in Hawaii!".

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Nancy, please you went, and got back safely. Dan will be fine, he gets depressed when you are there so? Stop second gusseing your self, you needed the break, here comes the holidays!

 

Yvonne

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