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extended family -- stroke


nancyl

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you ever notice how some things in life you are aware, of but never exposed to, can once exposed become a daily part of your life.. Dans stroke for example before his stroke - i knew of them, but never had experience ( up close and personal ) with them.. Now I know more than i want to.. Or maybe i wasent paying attention ? who knows... Our daughter in law's grandmother had a massive stroke ( on friday) and suffered another 24 hours later along with seizures and passed away about 48 hours after the initial stroke. She was a elderly woman and the family was prepared for "something" at some point.. ironically on that friday morning they had just finished moving her and her husband into my daughters in laws parents home. as they knew at the advanced age it would make life easier for all. little did they know how short the time would be with her.. but their is still the grandfather to be cared for, who was very optimistic and felt his wife would come home . So there is tragedy in their household. But at the same time a quick blessing to what could have been a very difficult situation for a long time... I do know of another family who had similar situation the advanced age and all, who the mother survived both stroke but is completely incapacitated and in a nursing home . has no movement except her eyes. Her one daughter visits her daily and has a way of communicating with her. But 3 years in a nursing home - no - movement -wow.. Just a reflection i guess, maybe a thankfulness for what we do have. I have Dan - not the same dan, but dan. i have a terrific family , I was raised in a loving home, i have wonderful grandchildren ... life is what it is, and although i would love to go back to the fateful day when dan stroked.. i appreciate all i have in the here and now..

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I have noticed that whenever you are affected by something, suddenly you see it everywhere. When my mom broke her foot and had a big cast on it, suddenly we saw people with casts on everywhere! I limp, and I see every older person who limps, and feel a kinship.

 

I am blessed to have been part of a friends life when she had a bad stroke. I took her to therapy everyday and when Bob stroked, she was so sad that she couldn't help me like I helped her. But, having been thru it with her, I was in a much better position because of it. If Bob had been the first stroke person, as many of you have experienced, I would have been much worse off, especially since I'm a one woman show. I thank God that I was the one who was there and willing to help. Little did I know I was in 'training'.

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I've learned not to talk stroke to anyone, until they indicate they know what I'm saying. It's like a secret society. In the beginning I was blah, blah blah to anyone that would listen, but I learned to keep my mouth shut pretty quickly. People either know and can sympathize, they don't know anything, or worst of all they get a look of terrified shock, which is what taught me to stop spilling the beans to everyone I met. It's enough to just come to terms with it myself, at this point. My purpose in life now seems to be to help others have a little hope too, when things are bleakest. Just as others, mostly strangers, did for me.

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So sorry for your daughter in law's loss. So hard, but illness never takes a holiday. We should just appreciate every day we can get.

 

I also can relate to Sting's reply. I can't count the number of times in the past week alone, people have asked "how is Larry?" I should just say "he is doing well considering the stroke" and be done with it. I tell them about his swallowing problem and appetite, etc. and they just shake their head or don't know what to say. I think most are thankful they are not in my shoes.

 

Have a good holiday Nancy and enjoy your family and new home.

 

Julie

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Nancy,

 

I sure can't say that is what happened to my sister, a bleed n her brain and she passed away but I do feel and think that is exactly what happened!!

 

Why? Because that is how my stroke occurred!

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I too can take a page out of Colleen's book. That first year post everything was stroke and yes, the response was often that glassed-over look - LOL.

 

I was reflecting on that tonight as well Nancy. We have had some disappointments here but I am determined to stay positive and enjoy these holidays. And I am concentrating on just Bruce and I. Whoever arrives, more than welcome, but I am not planning our time around you.

 

And most of it is just being thankful for what we have and what we have been given. We have an additional celebration and it has been a positive year for the most part. Many things to reflect and be appreciative of - gifts we have been given.

 

Happy Thanksgiving honey. Kisses and hugs all around please. Tell my Dan am looking forward to new year and lady luck! Debbie

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