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i am so original with my titles... lol... Dan is still "stable" he has been in a better mood, but has basically been in bed for 3 days... of course it is sooooo... cold here-- that i believe his point is , "why get out of bed to move from the bed to the couch" .. his mood is ok he eats and drinks and is somewhat pleasant . Although some days i wonder. Yesterday the nurse was here hooking him up for a IV and the grandson was here . the 2.5 yr old walked in said Hi- grandpa and Dan replied Hi - stupid ass... not in a mean way just in a matter of fact way.. the nurse was sorta suprised but at the same time has learned about dan.. and dan in all honesty was not being mean and had no idea what he said was inappropriate... poor little weston is gonna have a vocabulary and a half when he goes to school... but of course we will do our best to stay on top of those issues... what is kinda bitter sweet is walking dan to the bathroom and little weston walks behind dan with his little hand on his leg and say's -- "i helping gumpa"--- makes me think about the future.. at least we have a future.. last year at this time ( approx) i started to think the end of the world was coming - and for us it sure felt like it-. This year i do feel a bit more optimistic. even if dan hasent gotten out of bed for 3 days... he would if i could offer him something to do.. but when it is 10 below and the windchill much more than that - one does not hop in the car just to "cruise around".. if it warms up we will venture out just to get out of the house... in all honesty even in ND we usually don't see it this cold this early.. this crap sets in usually in January not December...I think about a trip somewhere, but the work involved is to much... and the chance of tipping Dans scale of mood to great.. i am kinda enjoying the less demanding version of life at the moment.. life is no where close to perfect --- no , natta, nothing close to even normal. but it is what it is... nancyl


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I wrote the above and had to add to it... i shouldnt be to quick to write something sorta good or something will happen, and so of course it does.......... Dan as i said spent most of the last few days in bed. I came in to get ready for bed and he had to use the bathroom ( BM) so i get the brace on the shoes sit him up.. and oops it is to late. he couldnt control his bowels . and kept scooting on the bed getting it everywhere. i kept telling him just sit still.. meanwhile i ran and got a towel as it was going everywhere.. and yep the bedroom has/ had white carpet... after the storm.. he and i made our way to the bathroom without further mishap. and then into the shower. Dan was so upset. after all was said and done for clean up. I laid in bed with him and talked, how this doesent bother me and it is part of the stroke, part of the brain damage and also part of being married - the whole better or worse thing.. i felt so bad for him he was so embarrassed. but i think i averted depression disaster ( i pray) .. just had to post not to gross anyone out. but to show how we can literally go from one thing to another in moments.. i dont think anyone truly "gets that" about strokes..... nancyl

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No, I can remember that happening to Ray to: "I want to go to the toilet...." and it was too late. I am not sure being in bed for days is a good thing though, you do need to be vertical from time to time and exercise increases appetite so getting up for a few hours once a day, if possible, would improve his overall health.

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We don't have a working TV in the bedroom, so luckily Ray has to get up eventually or be bored to tears. He does sleep late but I kind of like that, truth be told. I have never bugged him to get up even though occasionally it's getting close to dinner.


We had snow yesterday but the temp was over 32 so it was no big deal, just a pretty dusting. Ray was excited to put up the tree and decorate the mantle which used to be his job, this year he helped a lot more than the previous two years.


He too is in a decent mood, maybe with the holidays coming, but of course we can never let our guards down. Your talking to Dan is the best thing you could do, I've had some of those late night chats and it does more good than all the meds in the world. Fingers crossed for you.

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Nancy :


reading all you caregivers blogs it always make me realize its not easy being caregiver. though I can also imagine how frustrating it must be for Dan, no one like to be incontinent & be burden on some one else. though having understanding caregiver makes huge difference in survivors mood. I am glad you guys talked about it afterwards that must have made Dan so happy & grateful to have you by his side in this post stroke journey. I know it is not easy to be around someone when they r all stinking.



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Glad you had a good period of time to enjoy Dan in a good mood for a change.


In my case as a survivor I guess I was thinking this stroke is the end for me so never a word unpleasant to my wife.

I can have a foul mouth but not if I'm about to die and wanting to see the face of God and to this day nearly 10 years later I pray to Him Let Me Live Longer with my wonderful wife! It's my earthly happiness in 4 tries at being married.

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Nancy, we have had some of those incidents where poop ended up everywhere. One was really bad and I think it was the only time I've cried because of the things I have to do. It was the very worst time and I just felt like I needed a hose and drain in the floor and a big box of kleenex because of me crying (not while Bob was still in there, he was cleaned up and out, and I was doing room damage control)


I'm sending you a big hug, you are sooooo brave and just keep staying in there [[[[HUG]]]]

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Oh, Nancy, I'm just remembering when Bob had such a quick response and not a second to spare, I had a bedside commode so I could get him up, pivot and right on it. We do have very close together rooms, and early on, if he said he thought he might have to go, I flew and brought it into the room and it worked. Proximity is everything, because if they can stand & pivot without a brace, you could get him on it like that. Don't know if he can or not.


Now I will tell you a funny on Bob to lighten your poopy day. When Bob had been home less than a week, he began to moan and hold his stomach and I asked him if his stomach hurt and he said, yes, then ""ooOOOOo, my stomach, OOoOOOo, owwww,


I asked, 'do you have to poop'? Him: no, Oh, oOOooOooo, my stomach!


Me: "you sure you don't have to poop?" Him: No, no, OOooOoooO, no, my stomach!


Me: you SURE you don't have to poop? NO!!!! No, oh!!!! OOoOoOoO, my stomach... ohhhhoOOOoo... maybe. ?


The maybe was thrown in after all the moans, in a questionable voice that didn't not go with all the oOOooOoOo's. It just had occurred to him that maybe that really was it. So, soon as he said maybe, I flew and brought the bedside commode and that was it!

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a commode would not have helped me with this -- but i do think i will get one -- and maybe it would have if i wasent wasting time with a brace and shoes- might be worth it... good thought, i thought of one in the past but you move through ideas so quick that one forgets to follow through sometimes...life.. dan got up today and did his compulsive cleaning, he washed the floor ( sorta) and the counters... but before anyone thinks WOW -- he would wash the floor a bit then the counter - back and forth same rag... so now that he is tucked into bed again i will have to go over the counters again... in the old days no one ever could have outcleaned dan he was so clean and wouldnt have dreamed of using the same rag.. and then of course with his vision he cant really see all that good so the floor got missed in several areas,. but i am thankful for the thought behind the effort - he did it for me ( i want to believe) ... just another day in strokeland USA... nancyl

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Nancy, I didn't buy one, I contacted the local senior citizen organization and they have hadicapped donation stuff that they lend out (return when no longer needed). I got all the stuff my insurance wouldn't pay for from their lending closet. Bedside Commode (also can be used in a shower, or set over a toilet). I had to order a bucket, as I think most people don't pass those on. You can also order a flashing that is like a bucket with no bottom to help direct stuff when it is set over a toilet. We have it over a toilet now, and nothing ever flies out between the open area. If one used it in a shower stall, you would just sit on it like a toilet and no bucket of any kind, and could squirt up the toilet hole for a good butt spraying. You can get them with arm rest that have a clip toward the front, and look for it, because that means the arms can swing away if you need that option. I will say that men need to have a urinal jug because their equipment is sitting on top, and so urine is not going down into the bucket.


I also got a slide over shower bench and a tub clamp to help get out. The clamps do not support side to side movement, but do support back and forth movement. Also got a wheelchair, as an extra one for the screened porch. Oh and my big find was someone had dropped off a metal ramp and I got it! I did have to send his friends to get it, but wow, just wonderful!

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Nancy: so agree with you. A couple of good days, get some stuff done off the list. Then a day where no one should have gotten out of bed - LOL.


Most of the country is in bitter cold and you are so right, way too early for this. Weatherman said last night the only warm place in the country was Miami.


I do hope your holidays are warm and comfy with good cheer and family. Debbie

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Nancy, I just have to keep on saying this, you cargivers are wonderful! After my stroke, I did poop on myself,i was in the hosptial, and that feeling is not a nice one. You did right by talking to Dan, and even if some of the talk went over his head, he knew that you care and understand and respect his feelings. You rock Girl!!!!!!!!!!


Iam living in central Florida, and yesterday was hot! sorry guys. That's what my husband loves, he was born here, and when we moved to Chicago for four years, he hated it!!!!!!, his job moved him back to Florida, he was like a little Kid! My self, I miss the winter for the holiday, it is not the same.

In London(that where Iam from) the sky is dark and cold, everyone wearing scaft and gloves, get home to hot tea or coca, wrap up with a blanket! Here we wearing shorts and tee-shirts, drinking soda or water.!



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PS - I kept a can of kitchen spray oil (for bathroom use only) and would respray the bucket whenever it was used and cleaned. That way the bm would slide out of it without sticking horribly.


adding... then I would use that foam bathroom spray and wipe it out and respray.

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I totally feel your pain when it comes to the bm all of a sudden! Mike had an incident once while I was at work. His sitter was here with him and he had learned to transfer himself to the commode. Well on this one particular day he didn't quite make it to the commode and as he went to sit down he hit the button on his power chair which made it roll backward! He went into the floor and was pooping at the same time! His sitter couldn't get him up out of the floor so she had to call me home from work which took about 15min so he was in the floor the whole time and she was doing her best to clean up as much as she could before I got there! He was so embarresed and she was so great trying to make him feel better. We think back on that time and laugh a little about it now but at the time he was devastated! It is all a part of life with stroke! We have all been there and deal with it as best we can. I agree with Sandy though, you should get a bedside commode, we had one and it saved us quite a few times! I had rather clean the bucket than the carpet and bed linen any day of the week! :) Keep your chin up, you are doing great!!!!

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