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trying to move on



Thursday my dad made me stay home all day. I told him one like that had not happened since I was at work in September so it probably wont happen again for another couple of months but he still wanted me to rest so I did. Yesterday though I had to get out. Laying in bed is the scariest and probably gives me more panic attacks than anything since the "seizures" were always in my sleep and the dizziness always happens when Im laying down on the computer or reading a book.


So I got my dad to drop me off at the gym. I went to Senior Yoga first. The instructor was really nice and he helped me do the poses and told me when to just rest until the next easier pose. It was tougher than I expected! The back of my thighs, abs, back, and arms were feeling the stretches! but I was proud of myself at doing the exercise and using my left arm on the floor without my brace. I think the class will be good for building my confidence into leaning to my weaker side more. I went to a Senior Strength class but it was a little more fast paced ad the instructor did not seem too personable. plus we were in the basketball gym and a lot of the exercises were standing up. so I didnt want to risk falling on that hard floor so I sat out. I met a new friend. His name is Billy. He was really helpful showing my the machines, adjusting them for me, and he even got me a pair of headphones so I could listen to the mini tv on the machines. Such nice people :)



I got a great work out. Later I took a walk through the park with a friend from college. Through all the driving exercising, and everything I did yesterday I felt fine. But not this morning. I woke up begging God to help me and my leg was shaking. I don't remember why. I think I though I was about to have a seizure. Its like my body woke up before my brain or something. Soon I calmed down and started to read a book. Thats when it happened again. Something took over me. My heart started beating fast, I was scared and hot. I thought it could be a seizure so I rolled to my side and called me dad but he did not answer. I stared in space until I felt okay.


Im trying so hard to live a normal life. Im trying to find out what is going on with me. but its really hard. Its hard when all of the doctors are playing a guessing game. Its hard when waking up in the morning feels like waking up from death. Its hard when you live in fear every time you leave the house but your brain mainly only goes crazy when your laying down resting in bed. I just wish I had answers so I could treat this thing and live a semi-normal life


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Funny you named this Blog Trying to Move On.......That's exactly what I'm trying to do with my doctors telling me what I got but not sure I will get rid of this condition or expire trying at my age!


I guess a semi normal life is all we an wish to have!

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Katrina :


for me doing exercises tires me out so falling asleep is easy since I am so tired from doing 3 hours of treadmill, cooking, cleaning & other things around the house. I felt huge emptyness right after my stroke if I don't have to get up to go for job than why even wake up used to be my attitude in the beginning which pushed me down into more depression but once I started waking up early just to get our son off to school then I started feeling better, now I never take nap once I m up at 6 AM then I m always doing something around the house. so I feel to avoid depression is start having routine must it can be as mundane as having breakfast at particular time, start exercising, & stop worrying. worry can just make you anxious.



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