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depressing weather, another panic attack


CagedBird

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This week has been kind of rough because of the weather. I went outside to throw away my pizza box on Monday but as soon as I sat in the gazebo to call my friend, it started to rain. Tuesday was horrible. It was thundering and lightening from about 2 in the afternoon until I got in bed at 9. I started to feel so depressed. I was afraid to cook since the lights kept flickering and my netflix was messing up on tv so I was sitting here hungry and bored thinking about how sad and lonely I felt. It was very depressing. Im glad I could at least text my cousin to get my thoughts out.

 

When I moved to Charlotte I believe I read this book called the Secret. I liked the idea of positive thinking and making affirmations. Everything was perfect. I got my job at the library, my car, and I was feeling pretty good once I got off the zoloft. BUT I do not like the law of attraction that you attract everything you think of even if its a negative thought. This means that even though Im thinking "I don't want to have a seizure", I will still have a seizure because Im attracting it. Well yesterday I decided to give "the Secret" another chance and watch the documentary. And sure enough as I was watching it I started to have another panic attack. I talked to myself, paused the tv, and tried to breathe but the panic attack did not end until I called my cousin and got her voicemail just like on Sunday.

 

I saw my therapist yesterday. It sucks because she wants me to come back in a week but her schedule is booked for the next 3 weeks. Hopefully they will call if someone cancels. I wrote down all of my fears so I could get her opinion on them. I feel like I spent so much time talking that I didn't really get any good advice. I told her to interrupt me more next time!

 

I feel so bad when I complain. I feel like I've complained all my life about being depressed and disabled and now Im finally not depressed and I still complain. Lastnight I was even thinking of all the good things that have come from me having the stroke. Who knows where I would be if I had not gone through all of that. I am sure I would not have accomplished so much and sure I would not be sitting here doing whatever I want in my own place during a workday with no kids or husband. I have so much to be grateful for and I make positive affirmations all the time.

 

Today I tried to switch it up a bit. I cooked and did my exercises from OT and PT while listening to an audiobook on how to overcome depression, anxiety, and compulsiveness. It helped a lot to get up and moving. I want to make a habit of exercising daily. I think its going to rain again so I will probably do another exercise session later. Im thinking about starting a garden (which my bestfriend suggested). I cant wait to go for a walk in the park with her again this Saturday.

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Hi kristen, the weather does affected the way we feel and not been able to go outside. Exercises do help. I have learn some new ones, using a chair. Fcous on what is good in your life, not on what we lost, but what we have gain. Take care and be strong.

 

Yvonne

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This weather is a menace now but what can we do??? Nothing, just pray we will survive and be alright where we are!!! More of our faith needed to feel all things will be alright cause it's all in God's hands!

 

We could never make it rain, storm, or make the sun shine on our own not even with a rain dance!!! We just do not have that power over something we didn't create!!! Just my opinion of course!!!

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Katrina: I think a garden is a wonderful idea and the planning, researching may just be the project you need right now.

 

Figure out what size you can manage or are you going to do pots? Figure out what you would like to grow: veggies, plants, herbs and then research what does best in your area. Do you want to start from seeds - how do you start those?

 

Do let us know what you decide. Debbie

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