The night after I wrote my last entry, I had a panic attack after I got out the shower. The water was dripping after I shut the shower off and I started to think I hope that repetitive sound doesn't make me dizzy. I tried to ignore it and continue drying off but I started to feel dizzy so I sat on the toilet and called my cousin. When she answered I could hardly breathe. I felt like I was twitching and I was so scared. When I felt okay, I walked back to my room. I was still shaking but I fell asleep that night with no problems.

The following morning I woke up and was getting dressed. I started to think about the night before and it happened again. I felt so dizzy. I called my cousin and she talked to me until I calmed down. That day, I tried to do other things. I went for a walk twice, I sat in the gazebo, sat in my car, read some books, and paid my bills online. While I was online I started to get really scared and agitated. It was people talking outside in the parking lot and I remember saying "please stop talking". I felt so dizzy. But it went away. I didn't start twitching or really shaking that time.

Its really annoying getting the attacks. Last week I had none at all. This week I had 5. Its like once I had the first one this week that made me fearful of having another one which probably made it easier for them to come on especially since I sit here by myself all day.

Today was a better day. My cousin and I went walking and talking in the park again. I have been very positive since I moved here. Sometimes it feels like if it isn't one thing its another. God took away the depression and brought back the seizures. Then he took away the seizures and gave me panic attacks. I think Im handling things well. I give thanks everyday and I always tell myself I cant let an attack that lasted a few seconds ruin my entire day. If anything Im glad I dont have to worry about seizures anymore. I still just wish I did not feel the fear. Its like Im happy but Im scared even though I tell myself everything is good and I have nothing to worry about.

I am definitely going to look into gardening this week. I cannot sit on this couch and watch movies anymore. I need a detox from the tv. My therapist suggested volunteering. I just don't want to commit to an organization until I know how my transportation is going to be. Really I think living here would be so much easier if I just had someone to talk to during the day and come visit during the week. All the word searches and jigsaw puzzles in the world cant replace having someone to take my mind off my thoughts for a little while.