Now that I am seizure free again, I can see the good side of things. I had to talk to God and apologize for not being grateful for being seizure-free all those years. I spent so much time angry at Him for not answering my prayers for my left side and not enough time just being thankful that He was keeping the epilepsy under control. I am kind of glad this all happened. I only got 1 comment on my last entry so Im not sure how many people read it and I dont want to sound annoying repeating myself for those of you who did read it but I am so glad I have my apartment.

I miss Charlotte. I miss the big city. I miss being a working class young professional. But I never thought I would say this but I am glad to be home again. Charlotte was not THAT great. I was lonely a lot. I didnt have any real friends. I got rejected and used by a lot of guys when I was desperate for friends. Here I still get lonely and sad sometimes but hardly. I stay so busy and I have family. Last week I did take myself to the movie. I enjoyed it. On Friday my dad came and cleaned up my apartment for me. (Its government housing so we have quarterly inspections). My dad took me out to lunch and I got a free doughnut from krispy kreme. That night my cousin (bestfriend) came over and we watched movies.

Yesterday when I was in church, my other cousin texted me that my family was having a birthday party for my grandparents and asked if I wanted to ride with her so I went to her house. We went to get icecream while waiting for the party to start. It was nice being around my family again. My granddad's birthday was last Wednesday and my grandma's birthday is today but they put an extra candle on the cake and sang happy birthday to me too since mine is on the 14 (this Saturday.)

Speaking of my birthday, I really wanted to go to a christian concert in Charlotte and my new friend from church who has been inviting me to everything said she would drive me because she wants to go to the concert too. I was so excited when our tickets came in the mail and so glad I have something fun to do and someone to hang out with on my birthday. I also just found out yesterday that she lives in the apartment complex right next to mine so I have a ride now to the church events she invites me to! That worked out so well.

I had 2 panic attacks last week but I also can feel when its trying to happen and God helps it go away so instead of complaining about the few I had, I just give thanks for all those times when I get that weird feeling and it goes away. I have made progress. I dont call my cousin anymore. I dont freak out like I did when I stayed with my dad scared that I was about to have a seizure. Now I just try to continue doing whatever Im doing, breathe, pray, sometimes sit down if Im feeling dizzy, and tell myself it will be over soon.