The hard part about my week like I said in the last entry is that I have so much free time on weekdays and so much over excitement on weekends. If I could spend half my week days around other people and the other half just relaxing it would be better. Sadly, last week things got worse before they got better. I had another breakdown on Tuesday from so many attacks and my phone didnt ring all day so I felt like I was going crazy. On Wednesday, it got really bad. My dad came over and I felt weird and just started crying. I walked to my room telling him how I was so tired of sitting on my couch. I expressed my frustration that I get tired of doing the same things all day everyday but everytime I do something different, I feel weird! He calmed me down and I went to church.

As I was sitting in the church parking lot I had another attack. I had to try not to cry. I am taking a discipleship class called Discovering Who You Are and one of my old co-workers is the instructor so she prayed for me. I felt so much better. I had to go back to church on Thursday to meet with a pastor before I take my new members class next Sunday. He also prayed with me. I believe that was the only day I did not have any attacks. I am excited about my discipleship class. After doing my homework, I found my purpose and what I am good at so I am excited about pursuing a career now

My weekend was busy as always. I stayed gone all day Friday hanging with my dad then had my social group with my girls from church Friday night. Saturday was a little more rough. My dad took me to my nephew's birthday party so he could break the news to me that my mom had been in a bad accident. She had internal bleeding in her head, broken ribs, fractured pelvis and hips, and punctured lungs I think. I had a little breakdown but I was glad to be distracted by the birthday party. Had another breakdown when I went to the hospital to see my mom but I was just so thankful she was alive.

I had another attack lastnight while saying my prayers and had 3 attacks today. Sometimes I can just continue what Im doing and try to stay calm. Other times I have to stop what Im doing and stare and try not to cry. Sometimes I have to talk out loud. Sometimes I dont want to hear my voice. Sometimes I have to sit down when Im standing. Sometimes I have to stand when Im sitting. I JUST WANT TO BE HEALED. I see the psychiatrist in the morning. I dont know what to tell him. Im afraid of getting too excited but I also have to try to make myself happy. Sometimes I think too much which probably brings on the attack but most of the time they just happen out the blue. It doesnt matter where Im at what Im doing or who Im around anymore

By the way in response to your comments, I do have routines but its routine that makes things worse because Im doing the same stuff. I do go outside but I get afraid that an attack will happen while Im walking and wont have anyone to hold onto when I start to feel dizzy. I am working on overcoming fear but even when Im full of confidence and not even thinking negatively sometimes the attacks still come out the blue.