I feel so much better right now. I was smiling as I walked out of the neurologist office. Well first as some of you may have read, I had been deeply depressed since I got my medical review papers from the DMV on Thursday. I have had 10 attacks (starting Saturday) since my therapist gave me the log to fill out on Friday. I was feeling so depressed and it rained for the past 3 days so I'd just been stuck in my apartment. It is like I wanted to feel happy and I was grateful for so much but at the same time I just felt hopeless and afraid that as soon as I felt content, another attack would come so I needed to stay down in the dumps to be ready for the attacks.

Well yesterday was better. I had one attack while reading my Bible but I just called on Jesus and it immediately went away. I had another in the shower. It was so scary. I had my wash cloth in my hand so I could not grab my grab bar so I just... (wow I guess the memory just made me have another one as I was typing). Well I leaned on the wall and sad God please help me and it stopped. This made me feel so much better because a few months ago when I would pray or call on God, it didn't seem to help.

Well the neurologist finally got my report from the EEG at UNC. Turns out I have been having psychogenic seizures (PNES)! That's why they feel so much like auras but never turn into seizures. It feels so good to finally know what it is so I can get some real treatment. I did some research and the side effects of epilepsy meds can actually make psychogenic seizures worse. This confirmed my decision to go ahead and ask my neurologist to put me back on the 500 mg of keppra twice a day, I'd been taking since 2001 and it also confirmed why I was having more psychogenic nonepileptic seizures and anxiety instead of real seizures since he increased me to 750 mg twice a day and especially when I was on the 1000 mg twice a day when I was living with my dad.

Next steps

I have to be careful since I still have epilepsy but Im confident that my mini pill is playing a big part in controlling the real seizures. I haven't had any since I started taking it again in March and Im going to see my gynecologist next Tuesday for my yearly so Im going to ask her to put me back on the name brand since my insurance switched me to the generic.

Now that I know Im not just having anxiety attacks and panic attacks, I have to work with the psychiatrist to find out the underlying cause of the psychogenic seizures since it is a psychological condition. I will let you all know how therapy goes tomorrow.