Sorry for blogging so much lately. I try to wait to give everyone time to see my previous post. I just did not know whether to post in the emotional subforum, physical subforum, or young adults again so I decided to just blog again. I don't like to talk to my friends about my problems all the time so blogging helps me.

1. I feel like I am running out of time. When I was so consumed with getting my left hand back, I wasn't thinking about anxiety. I was so happy when I was in therapy and using my hand. Part of me wants to focus on that again. But part of me is afraid that thinking about using my left side again and seeing/feeling my body move will make me have a seizure or remind me of one. I say I feel like im running out of time because I think I will be kicked off my dad's insurance next July so I want to get the best treatment for my hand while i have my dad's insurance with my medicaid and Im not working so I have time to exercise.

2. I want to go back to work. I need health insurance before I get kicked off my dad's plan when I turn 26 plus I want something to do during the day. But with this new diagnosis, comes new medications, changes in dosage, more therapy sessions, etc so I don't want a repeat of last year where I work hard to get a job and keep a job then have to quit because of job performance, appointments etc.

3. I just don't know what to do. I know you guys try to tell me to get out and do things but its like Im damned if I do damned if I dont. PNES is a psychological condition that happens subconsciously so it does not care if I am quietly reading a book or having dinner at a restaurant with friends. Yesterday after I finished therapy and got groceries, my parents came over but I'd already had PNES at therapy then had another one while putting away groceries. Part of me wanted my parents to stay so I wouldn't be here alone but a bigger part of me felt overwhelmed tired and needed to just be alone in my normal environment. but another part of me was thinking no I've had an attack doing everything in this apartment. What am I going to do for the rest of the day after I kick them out? I had 13 attacks since Saturday.

4. My therapist told me the psychiatrist will probably recommend an anti-depressant to help with the serotonin in my brain or something but Im scared. The only anti-depressant I tried was zoloft in 2012, it made me more depressed, and it seems like the seizures came back around that time. I know I gotta try something though because the clonazepam does not seem to be helping. I wont see my therapist and psychiatrist again until the 27 but Im sure I will be blogging again before then.