Last week I had absolutely nothing to do (no appointments) but I ended up going to see my therapist on Thursday for a quick 30 minute session. Without balance in my life it's hard to tell when I'm making the psychological issues better or worse. She suggested that I take 30 minutes a day to let out the emotions then try to just enjoy the rest of my day. It took A LOT of courage but that night I drove to a meditation class I found on meetup.com. I was so relieved when I made it home and slept well.

Between rush hour traffic, daylight savings time, and my purpose for going, it was a little too nerve wrecking to drive there and back so I doubt I will go weekly but I did check out some meditation audiobooks, DVDs, and relaxation books. Instead of doing these things all day, I try to just do them once a day then get on with my day. So far I have been listening to a 30 minute meditation each day. Earlier I also listened to some music and got up and danced.

I have also been exercising my left side 30 minutes a day and tonight Im going to wear the splint to bed. Yesterday when my boyfriend and I went for a walk around the park, I put my hand in my pocket and it stayed there! He told me thats a trick he used to do to for his weak arm. Im really trying to focus on reducing the tone in my left side especially since its getting cold out. It also gives me something productive to do at home.

On Saturday morning I felt horrible. I just could not stop crying. i felt hopeless for my future and tired of waking up fearful of what may happen that day and going to bed fearful of what may happen in my sleep even though I've been doing everything I know how to "change my brain"! I just could not stand to be in this apartment any longer so I drove to my dad's house. It turned out to be a wonderful day. We rode out of town and visited my brother and his wife and kids. When we got back I hung out at the library with my mom, my oldest brother, and his kids. Then I picked my boyfriend up on my way home and spent time with him. No attacks or anything happened that day even with all the excitement so I believe getting all of that crying out that morning really helped release those emotions so they weren't released as attacks throughout the day