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can't sleep



Well I went back to my dad's house last Saturday and had another seizure that night. My dad heard me fall off the bed so I stayed at his house for a few more days. I had been sleeping pretty good at his house this week but today I came back to my apartment and here it is 5 a.m and I've been laying here since 9:30 waiting to fall asleep.

I don't understand. I don't understand why its so hard for me to fall asleep here. I don't want to be addicted to medication so I have not taken anything to help me sleep/relax. This is really frustrating though. I want to sleep but instead all I do is lay here and think about life then get online and look for a job or love to make my life more meaningful, then get frustrated and tired of looking for ways to change my life since this brain damage has ruined my life by making everything more difficult!

I just dont understand, Even when I was taking the depakote and klonapins with my keppra, I still had seizure in my sleep and was tired all the time.


Now I've practically made myself retarded by stopping depakote, prozac, and klonapin cold turkey and for what? I can't sleep, I can't remember anything, I feel like I just had a seizure 24/7 constantly dizzy talking weird and feel like Im falling but worst of all is laying here in the dark thinking about how I have no control of my health and my life sucks all because of brain damage. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be awake but I don't want to start taking the pills again and mess myself up even more. I don't know why Im here, I'm tired of just breathing air everyday while everyone else is starting families and careers when I am the one who worked the hardest to find love and start a career after college with no luck. I cant take this.


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For the last twenty years I have had irregular sleeping habits. The solution as I see it is to keep the mind away from serious problems by chanelling thoughts into something inane and not unsolvable. At first I would do a crossword before switching off the light and then concentrated on an unsolved clue. Trouble with this is that if you solved it you have to switch on the light to read another clue!
I wrote a Sci-Fi book by putting my characters into difficult situations and then solving them. I could mentally rewrite the chapter several times before having to get up and type the result into my computer.
Painting is incredibly boring, I took on a mental contract to paint the Great Wall of China. It required ladders so I borrowed an anti gravity device from my sci-fi book. People kept leaning over the wall asking me what I was doing so I borrowed another device which made me completely uninteresting. A further device controlled the weather around me and for a few years I dropped off to sleep quite easily. I think I covered one tenthousandth of the wall during that time.
Hope I have given you some direction to help your sleeplessness.

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