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Mindfulness


CagedBird

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Thank you all for your kind words. Lastnight was another all-nighter. I lay in bed and did not fall asleep until the sun came up this morning. Accept this time Im back at my dad's house. Lastnight was a lot better than Friday night. (Saturday night I actually slept for more than 2 hours.) Even though I stayed up all night lastnight, I played games online instead of looking for a job, I watched funny videos instead of desperately looking for my future husband online dating sites. So even though I still stayed up all night, I wasn't up all morning crying wishing I was dead. I was up laughing at stupid videos and my dad woke up and checked on me so that helped compared to the dead silence of being alone in my apartment.

 

I enjoyed my weekend. I hung out with my cousin on Saturday and we talked and made real fruit smoothies. Yesterday I rode the bus to church. It was difficult to enjoy service because I had a bad headache but I prayed and the rest of my day was awesome. My grandma and aunt came to visit me at my apartment for mother's day then I came back to my dad's house and I was in such a great mood with no headache.

 

Even though I barely got an hour of sleep this morning, I am enjoying today. It feels so great to not have that weird dizzy feeling anymore. I am also proud of myself for rewiring my brain and doing great. No panic attacks, no anxiety attacks, no seizures and no more unnecessary meds! Some other things that made my day amazing was getting in my car and following my dad back to his house. I love the freedom of driving and listening to music with no worries and I had not been behind the wheel in like a month so it was an amazing feeling today. I also spent some time with my cat just holding her and rubbing her. I made an amazing fruit smoothie. And my job coach took me out this morning for an interview I did great on and to apply for some other part time jobs that are hiring.

 

I know there's no such thing as permanent happiness but today as my therapist taught me, I am just going to try to focus on the present, be mindful, and not judge or worry. It's such a wonderful feeling to NOT feel (dizzy, sad, scared, tired, disappointed, worthless). Today I am just me Katrina :) I might go to the local brain injury support group tomorrow.

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Katrina the good days are like bright lights against the darker clouds of the bad days.  I have a good friend who has depression and she told me that.  I loved all your special things you did on the weekend, real fruit smoothies used to be one of my favourite things to make and I know my kids and grandkids enjoy them too,  Sounds like you have a good summer of fresh fruit smoothies ahead of you.

 

Life can be a roller coaster ride but i think you are starting to realise that and are learning how to handle it better now. (((hugs)))

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Katrina :

 

I am so happy for you, you are making right decisions & following right advises of your therapist. I feel in the end we are responsible for our own happiness. once you realize you have power over your thoughts you will realize life has so much more to offer you. positivity in life attracts positive things. & we have to exercise that power of brain like anything else.

 

I am so happy for you. through your blog I know you are on right path to find that happiness of being content with your NOW.

 

Asha 

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