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Shoutout to the caregivers!



First I'd like to thank you all for the birthday wishes. I love having this blog. I have been a member ever since I was 17 years old and I really appreciate the love and support I receive from you all. Last week I got really depressed. I did not want to tell my dad since he made me feel so bad the last time I tried to get help a few weeks ago but he said that he would take me to a better hospital the next time I wasn't feeling well so I gave it a try. I was feeling so horrible that I just wanted to die.


The doctor had me committed to the hospital. They put me on paxil this time and they put me back on seroquel to balance my mood. The doctor actually said I am manic depressive since I would be extremely happy when I wasn't extremely sad. Other than medication and another round of therapy, I made a list of new recreational activities I can do like horseback riding and yoga. My new job is really stressful and to make a long story short, I haven't been to work in a week and my boss doesn't think Im ready for the job so that is up in the air right now.


While in the hospital I wrote a poem about not wanting to die anymore. It was very inspirational. One of the patients that was going home actually asked me for a copy so he could hang it on his wall and read it whenever he felt depressed. Just about all of the patients were in there for depression. It felt so nice to be in a community of people I could relate with. I enjoyed the group sessions and I am doing much better. Im glad I could help others during the 5 days I was there. I want to be more compassionate and stop thinking about myself so much.


The only time I cried was when I found out I could not go home for Father's Day. They kept me locked up until Monday. I was so upset because my dad means the world to me and he is the only person I can depend on. Even though I couldn't come home, he drove an hour to come see me on Father's Day. He was the only one to come visit me the day after he initially drove me there after he had been at work all day. When we got back here, the pharmacy wouldn't fill my prescription so he did a whole lot of running around and calling to find out what the problem was. The insurance company had knocked me off so even though I had medicaid and medicare he still went through the hassle of putting me back on his insurance so I can have whatever I need.


My dad can be a pain sometimes. He upsets me. He says things like "you don't have depression, you just need to get a grip." And he complains about all the appointments he takes me too but at the end of the day he still does it because he loves me. Maybe one day I will have a husband to help me with all this stuff but until then I am very grateful for my caregiver my dad.


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Katrina I have a 33 yr old daughter who struggled all her life with mood disorders & was incorrectly  diagnosed with bi-polar


her moods o shift as quickly as manic depressive.  Finally a female doc at a women's health collective  in Vancouver BC had a name for it"' PMDD pms dysphoric disorder" - like opposite of euphoric .  with hers it is definitely related to menstrual cycles.  she goes from OK to nasty- mean & totally despondent  the week before.  she lost a lot of jobs during it - simply b y blowing up at bosses.   not that it is your problem -- I'm not talking pms grouchy, but totally nuts behavior & total loss of coping skills.  this of course is a hormonal- based problem  Be for e she had a name -- she thought she was just plain crazy.





I'm sorry you have been feeling more depressed Than usual. -- I have , too - I'm coming up 13 yrs & still struggle so much


I haven't spent the time here I should & I do feel better when I do




Hang in there gal  remember it is so very hard for outsiders to understand  My husband still does noit understand - just tolerates some of the struggles.





Sudz/Susan from Southern Alberta Canada & TX & WY

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Katrina  have a dear friend with depression and she struggles as you do.  I love her dearly and will always try to be understanding even when I don't understand.  (((hugs)))

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Katrina :


not everybody understands depression or other's journey unless you walk in their shoe. Even though I feel I have seen my depression up close & personal, but reading your blog makes me realize mine was nothing compared to what you are dealing with. that's why sometimes I offer suggestion which worked for me thinking might work you. I am so happy that you have your dad by your side who is fighting for you. maybe you can think about volunteering at that hospital, I bet its going to help you too.



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