Oh honey - I wish you wouldn't dwell on "fail." I don't know how one can fail at something so complex as brain injury - there is so little that is known about the brain.

In our own way, all of us felt we could do it all - a total change in our lives and yes, lets get over it and move on. God knows, we talked all the time. We were here on StrokeNet every day, Emailed, phone calls. But at the end of the day, all of our situations were so different. The husbands were all so differently affected, all with very different personalities. I think we, as a newbie caregiver group so many years ago, melded together very well - the one thing we always had was respect for each other. But then, look at the age difference. We were all shuffling very different lives - children, your Mom's sudden death, retirement for some of us. So we shared, tossed around ideas, suggestions. But at the end of the day, our decisions were so individual.

And who is to say that if you had lived here in the Northeast, as Colleen and I do or in a major Midwest Hub like Julie, services may have been much more accessible for you and Dan than on a farm in rural North Dakota.

Part of it too is the personalities - we are all very strong-willed women. Maybe the biggest lesson we have all learned in our recovery journey is becoming humble. Stroke is going to change everything and to finally come to that acceptance and learn to move forward was the biggest challenge.

Rest, pray and tomorrow we start again. Debbie

Wow Debbie, you said it all.  If not for you two, I'd be in a much worse place, so much support...but it does catch up with you eventually.  Not exactly defeat,  more like resignation. Can't say we didn't give it our all though  ;-)

Nancy we all fail in some ways, whether it is raising our voice in frustration or just failing to keep up with housework, bill paying, social engagements etc which was the hardest thing for me sometimes.  Our personalities do change, it is a response to what is going on around us.  As the voice from the other side of caregiving, for me at least, I didn't go back to being the Sue I once was but slowly a new me is emerging, older and wiser and perhaps a fraction more cynical.

We all get there in our own time.  Some of us rush, some of us take it slow, depends on our personality and our circumstance.And i think you did the best you could under the circumstances  I want to stress that there is no panel of four looking to give us 10 out of 10 o 3 out of ten come to that.  We all struggle to keep our values and our temper. And as for being a mother, grandmother etc just do your best, that is all you can do.

Nancy :

please tell that roommate sitting in your head to shut up. I sometime feel we are our worst critic. you have to realize you did the best you could  with information you had.  I feel as long as you gave your best, rest does not matter. 

Asha

I like your descriptions of how you see yourself getting a foothold to try to get out of the pit... or at least a comfortable cave in the pit.   It's good to see yourself scaling the wall UP.   You are doing well Nancy, and you and Dan will both see the reward from it and get 'more' from your lives because of it.   I'm glad to hear Dan is getting over the infection.   Keep going Nancy, we're pulling for you!