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Dans turn



Dan is doing good in the nursing home, he does his best to "guilt me." the look of disappointment when I say it is time for me to get going. I usually spend my lunch hour with him and then come back and spend some time with him. We watch wheel of fortune , the news and whatever old sitcom that comes on. usually i spend about 1.5 hours in the evening. And it is hard to differentiate both worlds. Plain out hard. But necessary.


My survival depends on keeping both worlds apart. Blending them is confusing to both of us. I went to my house last night , just to see if the worlds slowest construction man has made any progress. The construction guy is doing quality work. But SSSLLLOOOWWW- Slow. Anyhow, the neighbors come riding up on their new trike motorcycle. We chatted a few moments . And they said how about a palm breeze it is a popular new beer drink. And we sat on their porch and chatted for about a hour. It was so nice. A real luxury just to have the freedom to just sit with the neighbors.


The people i sold the house to are weird. but hey, it means i can dislike my neighbors which makes me not like the house for an entirely different reason. Am i looking for a reason? you bettcha !!..lol


The kids disappoint me in that going and seeing dan the few times they do. It is a chore i am sure, but i hate being the only one. If i am the only one... then I am the ONLY one. So the moon sets on me coming and going. that is to much for anybody. But the newfound freedom even for a brief time is good.


Dan hasn't had health issues in a very long time. With the exception of constipation.but lord get out of bed and move. But he won't. So my stays are frequent but short in duration. I hope his time isn't long in terms of "time" like a prisioner. A person pass the time slowly or quicker . Many times with no knowledge. That is what is wish for for Dan... I hope the brain damage makes the time go fast, in between his outings and my visits.. Please do not interpret what say incorrectly. It is hard to explain in words.


I continue to do better.. not perfect ,but better. The spinning has stopped but sadnes remains. And of course that comes with every tragedy. and everybody. luckily i had people who helped me out of the pit of dispare. Jus not sure when exactly i fell in there in the first place. 4 years ago a year ago or 6 months ago? In the end it doesn't matter...


Not a lot to blog about except to check in and say... it can get better. One day , hour, minute, second, it can get better.


So life is ticking along in that slow but fast way. I am glad dan is in the nursing home. it is where he needs to be.


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Nancy: it is OK. Of course he looks forward to your visits - but trust me, he has other outlets during the day. So you can't feel badly that family doesn't visit as often as you do. He'll be OK.


I was able to get back to some walking tonight - I have a rib fracture that is healing nicely, but has limited me. The Spanish neighbors down the street - we haven't had a lot of interaction with them, but they know us certainly - called me over to share a beer. I can't tell you the last time I had a beer. It is OK to have time away.


Good news on the house - I do hope the renovations move along a bit quicker. I know you will feel so much better when you can get into your own house, with your own things, on your schedule.


Thank you so much for checking in. Debbie

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Nancy, you are trapped in thinking that everything that is not yes, is a guilty subject.   This:  he does his best to "guilt me." the look of disappointment when I say it is time for me to get going.   - should not qualify as a guilt trip.   Anyone that visits or that you visit will have a response when you leave, there are generally 2 choices:

1.  aw!  so soon!   I'm going to miss you!


2.  get the h--l out and don't ever come back!


You want number 1.   You always leave someone wanting more, or there's no need to go back.   You are getting the correct response - congratulations, enjoy this success.

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Sandy - good reminder. Needed that. 



Debbie- I know dan gets interaction with staff. He won't get out bed. I know the staff try. and the rec lady comes to his room often, to ask him to join a activity. NOPE-- but he has played a bit of checkers with her and other staff on occasion.

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My kids, also did not see Lauren as often as I would have liked. His sister started out seeing him once a week but that dropped off over the last 6 months of his life. There are so many other things going on, especially for the kids. I just decided to let it go. Now, one of them (who lives closest) does have some guilt over that but I figure she did the best she could. 


You and I spent a lot of time and energy supporting our husband's recovery, such as it was. It is hard to let go of that. Eventually I did. After he was in the nursing home for several months I finally decided that I'd rather spend my time in there being with him peacefully rather than trying to cajole him into doing more, being more, trying more. I just wanted his time to be as calm and supportive as possible. I'm not sorry I made that decision, even if the long hours in bed shortened his life. 



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what is kinda strange--I wouldn't even consider taking him home - i could but will not ever do that again., It is strange in that i fought so hard to take care of him and now i basically fear it... I am constantly readjusting my brain and thoughts to be as they should be. I try so hard not to be compulsive  about my thinking being askew from the depression. but it what it is. 

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