Amy, there is a saying- People plan; God laughs. So true. Do you really think anyone had plans that went the way they planned? A friend I've known for almost 68 years seemed to have it all when we graduated high school. She had a high school sweetheart. He did not attend college and she did - for 1 year and then entered the local hospital to become a nurse. They married 4 years after and he started working for the local newspaper and advanced and remained in that job until retirement; she was a nurse. Her grandfather gave them a piece of property which they were able to build a home. Two healthy sons later and then a daughter. Her daughter did not seem right a few months after birth and they found out she had CP. All in perhaps 5 years, not even 10. To the present. Her two boys married and had children who are turning out fine as well; her daughter grew up and got a job with the post office; she became a widow a few years ago when her husband had surgery for carpal tunnel which went well but when he decided to go to bed early the next night, never woke up and on and on.

What about those friends you were with? Did their lives turn out as they wished?

What is the answer? I think complete acceptance of "what is". We don't know any more that's going to happen to us, but why waste time worrying about it? You're started in the right direction by volunteering at church and improving. You WILL get better each day, possibly 99%, but a stroker can never get to 100%. 10 years from now? You will be ok because you are survivor. Ever think where your friends will be?

Amy,

Phyllis makes a very good point regarding where your friends are and will be in 10 years. I just want you to know that what you are feeling is a normal part of grieving over what happened to you. Really...it's okay.

I know, I hate the F ing stroke too. I HATE it, just like you but I have to move on as I know you are doing. We all have a time of grief and ranting so don't be sorry about what you wrote. It goes along with the territory of progress.

Oh, and who knows if any of us will even be alive in 10 years.

There is something I read here one time that has stuck with me ever since. If I were to die right now, the world would continue on without me, so all my troubles that I worry about are to what avail? It doesn't help with the time I have left so let's get on with living. Sometimes thinking about that helps me to let things go. You just keep getting better like I know you will. You are a SURVIVOR!! See, now let that word, PUSH you up to the top. Yeah.....SURVIVOR even though you didn't choose it or want it, the fact that you are what you are, is Life.

The best to you very brave, strong young woman.

Cindy

Amy,

I know exactly how you feel, 3 years ago, I had my 20th reunion. I went, course most of my former classmates knew about the stroke. But I got my perspective from the fact that out of 79 of us, 4 had died already, another had suffered multiple heart attacks, and 5-10 of them were drunk and acting stupid as if 20 years hadn't passed and they were still teenagers. So my point is this- I may have had a stroke, I may now be looked at as damaged in some way because everytthing doesn't work right. But I wasn't dead, a lush, immature or in possesion of a bad heart. Life isn't bad. Find the positive in everything!

Pam