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venting....not for pure minds


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I haven't been around to post in a while and the first thing I do when I come back is going to be a major vent session.

 

Today I am so f....ing sad and *beep* off about my husband having a stroke and yes, I'm still grieving after 2 years, 5 months and 29 days. Like someone or "someone's" said before.... STROKE SUCKS. I hate that mf er. It's done all but destroy our lives and it's so hard sometimes being the one to always "bring things out in him". I'm tired of it, I'm tired of it and I want to run again.

 

And some on the other side of the fence want to tell me how long I can grieve for my husband I have loved with all my heart for 25 years and now is missing as a whole. Well I want to scream F. you and your theories. Not at the people but at the whole thought process of judging me and my recovery or anyone else in my situation.

 

EVERYONE is different and I WANT MY HUSBAND BACK. YEAH.......I SAID IT.....I WANT HIM BACK. I WANT HIM BACK. I WANT HIM BACK. I WANT MY HUSBAND.

I WANT LIFE TO BE WHERE I DON'T HAVE TO CARRY THE LOAD ANY MORE. I WANT TO BE FREE. I would SCREAM it from the roof top if I could, but I can't. Gotta be a good little girl now don't I. Do the right thing, say the right thing, think the right thing, be the right thing. I'm sick of it all. Think I'll go puke now before I get to go back to work on a Saturday morning.

 

I really don't need any advice........I know what I'm supposed to do and how I'm supposed to feel and how I'm supposed to act. Well screw it all, I am who, and what I am. And right now it's feeling a tad better since i got to scream on paper or whatever we call this type of screaming. Okay......done.

13 Comments


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Cindy Honey,

I'm a survivor of less than a year ...so, I have no right to give advise, and no business giving my opinion.

 

However, Ryan built a skate ramp off the roof of our garage, so you can come to my house and scream off the rooftop if you want ...

 

and I'll hold your hand until you're done.

 

pash.gif

~V

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Dear Vicki,

OMG you are one brave girl. I don't think I would have even responded to my own blog I was so wacked!! You are such a sweetie and guess what? You made me laugh my a.. off. roflmao.gif

 

I know....I have a filthy mouth. Maybe something I should change, maybe not. But I sure was *beep* this morning. After reading your response I feel so much better. You know, I wish I could wiggle my nose and make every one of your dreams come true.

 

Someone sent me an e-mail the other day and it had something like making a wish which in my response I told them what it was. And if I had one wish I think we would all have the same one.

 

You take care of yourself and thank you for caring. pash.gif

Cindy

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CINDY,

 

YOU CAN TALK DIRTY TO ME ANYTIME. I'M SURE MY WIFE HAS FELT THE SAME WAY MANY TIMES. JUST LET IT OUT...................IT'S BETTER TO BE *beep* OFF THAN *beep* ON.

 

MARTY pash.gif

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Hey Cindy,

Boy, do I hear ya on the saying the right thing, doing the right thing, ect... it gets to a point where you do have to say F it and do whatever your emotions lead you to do and then, step back and let the chips fall where they may. You'll be surprised by how freeing and liberating doing that is.

 

Hugs to you, glad your day is getting better.

I love ya!

Pam

PS.

I think Mom's sign up sheet for the PMS ing stroke Net woman is still up. You should go......I am, cabana boys, sun massages and drinks with umbrellas in them too.

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Cindy,

 

I have used the F word so many times this past five years that I'm thinking about making it my legal middle name. I don't ever say it in public but it sure helps to let the steam out. Don's known me a lot of years and he can tell if I have four F words in one sentence that I'm about as mad and frustrated as I can get. It's back off and just let her calm down time then.

 

About the only swear word I hate hearing is the P word. Oh, God, I hate that word! So Marty, will you keep the *beep* out of my blog comments? Thanks biggrin.gif

 

Jean

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Hey Cindy, you screamed and it appears the walls didn't come down. We love you around here. If you want to say it like it is at the time you feel it, it's OK with me. I wish I could give you a real hug, but have to send you a virtual instead.

 

pash.gif

 

PS. OK, that really looks like I'm kissing you too, please don't take it the wrong way. I like you and all but...

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Oh boy, do I know where your coming from and how you feel. I feel the same way from time to time.

 

It's exhausting to carry this load. Sometimes I really get mad at what has been taken away from us. I just wish my husband's mind would come completely back - I can deal with his physical disabilities, but the mind - I don't know if I ever can except this.

 

Your not alone...........Take Care!!!!

 

Kim smile.gif

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go ahead and vent ... it's three years since my husband stroke and I find it very hard also.. he still gets things confused and has trouble with his opposites so I am always trying to figure out if he means what he is saying ... sometimes playing the role of three people is hard as the responsibility is a three fold.. I wish his mind would come back so things could be the same and we could go on with our lives... life sucks don' it??????

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Good that you have vented your thoughts and feelings.

It is difficult for both sides,c/g and survivor and we all have good and

bad days.

This is the place to vent where others truly understand.Family and friends

don't seem to understand enough most of the time.

Take Care

lorrainelm cloud9.gif

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cindy,

 

you have EVERY right to feel any way you wish!!!!! and FU-- them and the horses they rode in on who say otherwise!!!!!!!! btw, IT MAKES ME SICK when "well wishers" who HAVE NO CLUE try and give advice. i wish they would duct tape their FU----- MOUTHS!!!!!! we, here, who understand where you are coming from love you, and UNDERSTAND!!!!!

 

 

ps my mouth gets dirty too when im mad

 

love ya girl

kim

 

 

Tantrum.gifTantrum.gifpash.gif

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Cindy,

Dont know if I can add any more to whats been said. we all have bad days. Just to let you know I care. Hope you are feeling better today

I am a survivor, have no idea what your situation is like. So I hesitate to say this but your hubby could have probably written that as well. Maybe you should both use Ryans skate board ramp-- I wll be there as well

pash.gifyikes.gif

Mary

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Thank you all for caring and responding to me on that hideous day. Thank God it's gone now and sorta back to normal. You definately continue to brighten my days. I knew Marty wouldn't care regarding my mouth. Wonder why???? lol_2.gif or Kim understanding my anger lol_2.gif Cinder....you totally crack me up lol_2.gif. Again thank you all for caring and responding. Vicki.....you had me laughing thinking about actually having a ramp above the garage and walking up there. Again you're such a sweetie. Thanks for holding my hand.

 

Oh one last thing....now where were those drinks sun massages and cabana boys?

 

I just luv ya ALLLLL...... pash.gif

Cindy

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