I've just been doing some thinking and since I have no ideas for a good blog entry I'll jot down some interesting things I've come to realize.
It seems I have a thing for Ks and never realized it. I've been engaged 2 times (not counting Kathy) and married once. My first Fiancee's name was Kimberly, my second's was Kristy, and then there was Kathy. So, am I doomed by the Ks, or is this a patern I should stick with? Guess only time will tell.
I have a bad habit of putting other people's happiness way above my own. Even as a child when I went on field trips and mom gave me money for suviners (sp?) I would buy something for the family first and then buy me something with what was left over. This has continued up until the present day and got me in the situation I'm in now. I knew it wasn't going to last with me and Kathy when we got married. I married her for her and her kid's happiness. I'm guessing either I reached a lightbulb moment or I've finally developed to a point where I want some happiness of my own.
Guess I'm starting think and realize a lot of things recently. I've fooled myself that I was happy when I was really miserable so long I've forgotten a lot about myself. Now that I'm starting to do things that make me happy again I starting to do a lot of old hobbies I left forgotten. I guess good and come out of bad situations.
I've gotten in contact with a very old and dear friend who I wasn't allowed to talk to because Kathy was jelous of her. She's now a practicing message therapist and has offered me a free message. I REALLY think I'm going to take her up on that. I haven't had a massage in so long, I can't remember what they feel like. I missed our long talks more than anything. Kathy wouldn't believe that there was no attraction between us, so the jelousy and the lost of a close friend followed.
I am just ready to be a bachelor again. I'm a very private person and Kathy has never been happy unless she knew what I was doing every minute of the day. I had to start taking anti-depresents shortly after we got married just to cope with being married to her.
Now I just have to figure out if I should stick with the Ks in my life or try another letter. My good friend is a T, but going there with her would be on the same level as going there with my sister. I really don't think I'm going there.
There is a K in my life that I think would work out. We're so much alike it's actually kind of scary. We're both private people with a lot of pain in our pasts. We have similar interests, and dislikes. But, that is something that the future will have to tell.
For now I have only one rule if I ever should decide to marry again. If I end up with a K, her middle name can't start with a F. I refuse to be married to someone who's intials are KFC.
I better get back to work and stop thinking so much.
P.S. It occured to me after I posted this blog that several members like a good mystery. Please don't try guessing who the T and K I mentioned above are. I have friends outside this site and it would be a waste of time and effort.