Michael's Blog

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The talk

Guest

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Welp, it finally happened last night. Me and Kathy had the "D" talk.

 

It was the strangest experience I have ever had talking to her. For the first time we actually talked. She didn't get mad, warp what I was saying, or took anything to the extreme. It was an actuall conversation.

 

When we were finished she said she was sorry and didn't realize she had been such a *itch. Of course she doesn't want to loose me, and will try to change (been down that road before, which didn't work).

 

The scariest thing is that after I got all the anger, frustration, and resentment out of my system there was nothing left. I just felt completely neutral towards her. I no longer have the husband / wife longing. It'll be nice to keep her as a friend, but really that wouldnt' worry me one way or the other.

 

I've already been adviced that we should try and work things out. But, some cuts run too deep to heal, and we'd have to start from scratch with an already shaky past. Besides, I don't want to work it out and come home on Valentines day again with plans for a night out and find out she had invited friends over for the night instead.

 

After all was said and done the thing that popped in my mind was "I wonder if K is still awake at this hour?" Maybe it is high time to start exploring other options. I've given so much to this marriage with so little in return that I don't want to keep on going.

 

Thanks for listening, it's good to get this stuff off my chest.

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Guest

michael,

 

i KNOW how you feel. last night my soon to be ex came over and i decided to give it ONE LAST DITCH EFFORT. i poured my heart out, told him everything he had done to hurt me in the past and not help support me since this stroke. i am non confrontational and have a problem with expressing myself "right" sometimes, but i was very calm, sincere, and straight forwrd with him with the shaky voice thang going

on.

 

wanna know his response? " oh yeah, i'm leaving tomorrow night to go down to the coast for a golf tournament. " if you get busy will you just take ashley to mom's?

 

that was it. i felt no pain, no anger, no NOTHING. i am neutral toward him and have no love left at all. of this i am sure. actually, it was a relief because i am now POSITIVE that divorce is the only recourse.

 

kim mellow.gif

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Guest

You know when I let go of all the anger I had towards my X over how he had reacted and treated me after I stroked, you know what I was left feeling? Sadness, nothing else only an empty place that the anger had filled up.

When I first came online looking for stroke support, I was amazed at the statistics I found how high the divorce rate was for couples touched by the stroke event. I remember finding it interesting and wondering why that was? Well I know now. Stroke as we all know is a massive event to touch our lives, and out of it comes normal natural reactions that may not portray us in the best light. We are suddenly handed this burden of knowledge regarding our spouses. What we do with that burden is important. I know I have wished I let go of the anger sooner, but I didn't and I was harsh and unforgiving and I'm just another statistic in life now.

Michael, I wish you strength and courage to make the decisions you have to. You aren't at an easy place right now.

Pam

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Guest

Michael,

Where you are isn't an easy place. My heart goes out to both of you. I know that whatever comes, you will make the right decision for you and your happiness. We all have to take care of ourselves. Sometimes that is as hard to do as taking care of another person. Harder, in fact. Hang in there.

Kathy

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bstockman

Michael, this is a hard palce to be...but I am sure you feel better for having "the talk" then trying to hold in in any longer.

 

I also wish you strenght and courage .....

Bonnie

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Guest
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