Welp, it finally happened last night. Me and Kathy had the "D" talk.
It was the strangest experience I have ever had talking to her. For the first time we actually talked. She didn't get mad, warp what I was saying, or took anything to the extreme. It was an actuall conversation.
When we were finished she said she was sorry and didn't realize she had been such a *itch. Of course she doesn't want to loose me, and will try to change (been down that road before, which didn't work).
The scariest thing is that after I got all the anger, frustration, and resentment out of my system there was nothing left. I just felt completely neutral towards her. I no longer have the husband / wife longing. It'll be nice to keep her as a friend, but really that wouldnt' worry me one way or the other.
I've already been adviced that we should try and work things out. But, some cuts run too deep to heal, and we'd have to start from scratch with an already shaky past. Besides, I don't want to work it out and come home on Valentines day again with plans for a night out and find out she had invited friends over for the night instead.
After all was said and done the thing that popped in my mind was "I wonder if K is still awake at this hour?" Maybe it is high time to start exploring other options. I've given so much to this marriage with so little in return that I don't want to keep on going.
Thanks for listening, it's good to get this stuff off my chest.