Nothing to really blog about today, so here are some more personal thoughts.

After a conversation I today with a close friend I got to thinking and came to interesting discovery. I don't have any friends within my age bracket. All my true friends are 10 years or older than me.

This has always been the case with me growing up. Sure, I played with kids my own age and had school friends but if given the choice I prefered to hang out with the adults. I enjoyed their conversations and insight more than kids my own age.

Even to this day I really can't tolerate my own age group. I find myself more than once thinking "Kids these days", only to realize that those "kids" are the same age as me. So, what in the world is wrong with me?

I've often described myself as being an old man trapped in a young man's body, and I find that to still be how I feel. I just have an easier time relating and talking to those who are older.

I think it stems from what I had to endure growing up. Having to hear how "slow" and lazy I was without knowing why. At the age of 8 I taught myself to program in BASIC, so I sure wasn't "slow". I just had a hard time concentrating, keeping up, and motivating myself. My speach and physicall proplems didn't help the matter.

So, did having to deal with "adult" problems growing up without knowing why cause me to grow up faster? I really don't have the answers, I just know that I did. Why kids my age were listening to ear splitting music and hanging out at the mall, I was playing chess with my dad and reading classic novels. Why kids were out playing in the yard I was in the house with discussing politics.

I've heard several times that if they didn't know my true age, people would think I was older than I was. I can see why they would think that. I just enjoy what is considered "older generation" things. I've always been old for my years.

This has also crossed into my relationship life. I've dated women younger than me and fealt like I was shaperoning a kid. I've dated women my age and just couldn't figure out why they thought what we were doing was fun when I found it immature. So, I went for the older age group and found that, like my friends, I prefer those women.

Of course the problems come up with the "robbing the cradle" mentality. Sure women can forget while talking or dating me that I'm younger, but that fact seems to keep slipping into their minds and freaking them out. I've heard seveal times "why don't you date someone your own age?" And the answer is ironic at best.

Dating someone my would be like them dating someone "normal" in my age group. Immaturity and not enough life experience for my tastes. I want someone who thinks a good night is to snuggle on the couch watching old movies, instead of circling the mall wasting gas. I want to listen to music like Blue River instead of this booming stuff that causes my ears to ring and gives me a headache. I enjoy watching reruns of Leave it Beaver, the Brady Bunch, and The Andy Griffith Show instead of The Real World.

I have met old people who should be in my age group, heck I married one. But on the most part I wish I had been born ealier so that I could hang around people "my own age" mentally. But it wasn't up to me to be born when I was, that was up to my parents.

All in all, I just wish people I met could judge me based on my life and mentallity rather than the fact I was born in the late 70s. Of course, life would be easier if I could just act my age, but then I would deny being who I was. Maybe one day when things settle down a bit I can find someone who doesn't mind that when I 45, they'll be in there 50s-60s. They would realize that by that time I'll be a 60 year old trapped inside a 45 year old body. For now I'll have to deal with being a 45 year old trapped in a 28 year old body.