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Relationships


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I have just read Jeans post trial by fire and it got me thinking about my own relationship.

 

Some you may know that I stroked when I was on holiday in Spain on our wedding anniversary. We had gone to Barcelona to try and "rescue" our marriage. We had been going thru years of turmoil because of my husband jealosy. It is very hard to prove you didnt do something. I was too much of a coward to leave. Lots of excuses made me put up with it- kids too young, no money, no where to live, no family nearby, he would take the children etc etc. I dont want to go into lots of detail- it is very private( I dont even know why I am writng this).

 

When I was in hospital in Spain he was brilliant. I remember landing in Scotland and bursting into tears. I remember thinking I was glad to be home and thinking he is certainly going to leave me now.

 

When I got home from hospital he couldnt do enough for me. He was like the man I had originally married all those years ago. This lasted for the first three months or so and then the old paranoia started creeping in. I could barely walk or talk but he thought I was off gadding about when he was at work. I dont know when or where the turning point was but he is now on a more even keel. I am convinced he was suffering from depression but he wouldnt have it. .....I started taking the anti depressants and in a funny way I think it helped him.

Fotunately I have recovered well, so I am able to pull my own weight now. In a strange sort of way the stroke has made me stronger. If he goes into one of his moods, I try to ignore it. I have had to listen more and to think about what I am going to say more.

 

Has he stayed because of guilt. I will never know. I believe stress must be a factor in strokes. It is still not perfect. Is any marriage perfect. I know I am never going to be treated the way I would like to be.

I miss him when he is away, but he annoys me(sometimes) when he is here.

What would have happened if I hadnt made a good recovery I dont know- he never acknowledges anything which is wrong with me is the stroke- there is all ways another reason.

All I know is we are lot happier now than we were two years ago. I sometimes wonder if we would still be together if I hadnt stroked -we will never know. I know I have got to forgive otherwise the bitterness and resentment would destroy me. Sometimes it is hard.

 

I really dont know why I have written this.

I am off too bed. maybe I will delete this tomorrow Neeeedsleeep.gif

Zzzz.gifsleeping.gif

 

Blogging is meant to be cathartic- I am not sure. This has just bought back memories- not all good

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Mary,

By writing what you did, you finished working through it all. Maybe in some strange way, it is another journey of acceptance for you. I know the person I've known since I met you has much inner strength, you sell yourself short. I am glad that all is working out for you, you deserve it.

Pam

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Stroke changes a lot of things, for the survivor and the caregiver. For Ray and I having to be by his side for the first 41/2 months made me think about him in a different way. He became my focus. Our marriage wasn't strong, it was just there. Now mutual care is our reason for being together. For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.

Sue.

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Mary,

 

I agree with Pam. Taking a honest look at your marriage might have been hard, but often we can't move forward until we've looked at where we've been.

 

I don't understand people who are jealous without cause and I'm glad I've never had to deal with it. Pam's right, you must to be a strong person.

 

Jean

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welp hun im ditto with miss jean and pam hits a good note to

yes everybody changes with stroke good or bad but they do change in someway i know my stroke cost me my life my wife everything i had

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No I am not a strong person. I shouldnt have put up with what I had to for so long.

Perhaps I havent fully forgiven yet, which still causes the resentment. Will I ever be able to.....I dont know. I still feel sometimes it is one way traffic.....

 

Anyway lets change the subject....

Mary

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Mary:

 

its open forum where I don't want to wash my dirty laundry, but what I learnt from great man I have married is forgiveness brings lot of happiness, and I for 1 would vouch that happiness is state of mind, I kinda did unthinkable in my marriage, but stroke opened my eyes, and I was able to see the love of my hubby, and I m glad he forgave me, and I m more happy than I was ever in my 14 yrs of marriage, I had constant resentment that I could have married better guy or married better. but after my stroke and my hubby's response to it, I truely believe matches are made in heaven, and we have to do best with what we have, there is no point in pondering on past, and beating on it, you have to forgive and be happy

 

Asha

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Mary,

 

How's the weather in England this time of year? Our leaves are just starting to turn here in Michigan.

 

Jean

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Nice one Jean....... You made me laugh...

It is getting chilly and very autumnal here in Scotland. I must go and lift my onions before they rot in the ground. I must plant my bulbs as well.

Mary

 

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Mary,

 

I'm surprised I didn't also make you throw onions at me...calling Scotland, England. Sorry about that! I'm old and forgetful.

 

Jean

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You are safe because I am not Scottish..........I am a white settler from the south....England. My only saving grace is I married a Scots.

I dont think his family have yet forgiven him marrying an English woman LOL

 

Mary

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