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i'm SOOOOOOOOOOO bored


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a have read a lot of posts/blogs about the caregiver being challenged by their caregivee's anger, pain, depression, etc. however, i haven't read much about caregivers being bored, which is what i'm feeling right now.

 

it is so d**m boring being around John. when he is not manic, he goes to work, eats, watches TV, plays around on the computer a little, and goes to sleep. on the weekends it's the same thing, with cleaning thrown in. he can go out to eat with me and not say a word, preoccupied with his own thoughts, which are generally of a very self-centered nature. i can deal with John's anger by detaching/distancing from him, and his mania by suggesting that he needs to call his shrink, but it is very difficult for me to deal with the almost-constant boredom that i feel when i'm with him.

 

john is being treated by a psychotherapist, a neuropsychiatrist, a rehab doctor, and a neurologist, and is starting his cognitive rehab program on 2/27. he doesn't do a d**m thing to help himself, just expects people the somehow magically fix him.

 

i feel that there is really no connection between us than between caretaker and patient. John is so passive and apathetic and so self-absorbed. when we talk about how i feel, he says, "i can identify with your feelings," and then talks about his feelings as if they were mine, showing a total lack of empathy.

 

i remember not being like this at all after i stroked. i was angry, but i didn't lose my empathy for other people and wasn't passive or apathetic.

 

i can't picture myself in this relationship for the long-term if John's attitude doesn't turn in a different direction.

 

sandy

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Sandy,

 

Before you came to this site I wrote 3-5 blogs about being bored out of my tree. So, on several levels I understand what you are saying. However, my boredom comes more from Don sleeping a lot rather than from an emotional detachment like you are describing. (I don't know how I'd feel if Don and I hadn't been together very long before his stroke like you and John with his TBI...that's a tough place to be in.) I miss the freedom of doing things on a whim. Boredom---I think---is the reason some of us caregivers spend so much time around this site...for the companionship we aren't getting at home for whatever the reason.

 

Any chance it's all the drugs John is on that is making him apathetic and passive?

 

Jean

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Sandy, I agree with Jean maybe some o the drugs and antidepressants can casue emotional detachment.. when I was on Zoloft.. it is hard to describe.. emotional roller coaster sometimes and other times, felt kind of "empty" inside... I still had empathy for other people and did show appropriate response. But the real "happy or joy feeling just wasn't there. I am doing much better on different medication.

 

Possibly with some of the cognitave therapy work more of the "old" John will come back. Can you mention to his doctors that he is passive.. I know some the seizure medications can really make you lethargic.

 

Bonnie

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Bonnie and Jean

 

i have suggestions concerning John's medications that i plan to discuss with John's shrink at his next appointment on Friday. remember, i have figured out appropriate medications for people with brain injuries, including myself, since i "gave" John the opportunity to be treated by the neuropsychiatrist that i had picked for myself. i am still talking to my therapist about how angry and resentful i feel about finally finding a shrink that i was willing to let manage my psychotropic meds and then "giving" him to John because his need was greater than mine.

 

that being said, i still feel bored.

 

thanks for all your support.

 

sandy

 

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Sandy:

 

that's how I felt in my marriage before my stroke happened& my hubby being there fr me whole time helped immensely, so my viewpoint on my marriage changed completely after my stroke, but man I was so bored of the damn routine in my life, no excitement or anything, and I m dreading even now it has started becoming routine& don't know how to fix it, getting new hubby won't help with my new great look I m nomore a good bet

 

Asha

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Sister Sandy,

Sounds like you are primed and ready for a road trip..... Upstate NY awaits you as does fried chicken southern style. You name the date and we'll be ready for you.

As the Blues Brothers said got a full pack of cigarettes, full tank of gas and we're on a mission from God. I know I screwed the quote up, but you know what I mean, and you can forget the god mission, we'll just say it is a much needed mental health mission. I'll bring the smokes and the mudslides, we can go down to the Hudson river and hang out.....(Take me to the River....") Sorry, I can't help it, I have songs playing overhead in my life everyday. Yes, I hear them outside my head! :bouncing_off_wall:

Pam

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