The other day I did some on-line research. I have seen Bill's various limitations post strokes but never took the time to find the labels for them. As I've read other blogs and posts I've thought so often, 'yes, yes, yes Bill has that'. Sometimes I've felt like a hypochodriac, thinking Bill has it all..Well, here is the list in the "medical terms"

aphasia - difficulties with speaking, reading and writing

apraxia - impaired ability to perform complex tasks

agraphia - loss of ABILITY to write or express thoughts in writing

alexia - loss of reading skills

hemionopia - loss of 1/2 vision field

acalcilia - loss of math skills

hemiplegia - loss of use of (right side) arm and leg

emotional lability

right hemisphere damage - resulting in reasoning and judgement impairments

vascular dementia

And of course, there is the neuro psychologist's recent evaluation...."severely and profoundly mentally impaired as a result of multiple strokes" that brings it all home.

We are all different here. The survivors who post are the beautiful, hopeful survivors. I've noticed many of the caregivers who post are like me - posting for support because our loved one doesn't have the ability to do so.

Last evening we were leaving a restaurant when a gentleman stopped me and asked if Bill is taking any "suppliments". I was cordial. These folks are in town for a convention and they are really on fire for their suppliments. (Before his 2004 stroke he was a compounding herbalist. He had decided he could clean his arteries, manage his diabetes and blood pressure through herbs and suppliments. I couldn't believe the amounts he consumed.....obviously, his strict regimen did not have his desired effect.) I explained that with all the medications Bill takes I'm not going to go down the road of suppliments as well. Sorry, been there - done that. Managing 17 meds, primary care physician, cardiologist, neurologist and the VA primary care doc are quite enough for this one person. I saw it written all over his face because I'd seen it on Bill's face - if he'd just start taking these suppliments we'd be able to get rid of all those medications. I didn't believe it then and I don't believe it now.

One thing I know for sure. Bill and I wear our stroke awareness bracelets all the time. I don't wish this on anyone. It's amazing though - nobody ever asks me what the bracelet means. I mean - not ONE time has anyone asked me about it. I gave one to his physical therapist and I never saw her wear it once. I've shared the web address for StrokeNet with his therapists......they've never even written the address down so I'm sure that's gone in one ear and out the other. DENIAL is still the name of the game. It'll never happen to me. Those of us living with stroke on a daily basis know better.

I'm thankful every day for Bill - just the way he is. And I'm thankful every day for a place I can come and vent, rant and get out all the stuff I have kept inside. It's called "living life on life's terms" - and today it's ok.