I don't want anyone to think because of the title of my blog, that I blame Jane in any way for the state we are in. I don't...I blame the stroke...and I'm angry at the stroke...FURIOUS that this hurt her, and me, and us...

I've gone through a ton of stuff over the last 5 years...almost dying 9/11, having a son, moving several times, divorce, coming out, new relationship, losing my job due to ignorant shortsightedness on the part of my employer (since gotten an apology but it didn't change things)... Some people wonder why I'm still standing...HOW I'm still standing...

Strength...faith...I don't know...good therapy...good sense of self. People may wonder why I feel this grief so deeply... Well...considering what I've gone through the last five years I thought I had my fill...I thought things were on the upswing, and now that has changed...AGAIN...and it just sucks. And its OK if that sucks for me right now because it does. The question is, what do I do with those emotions...do I blame and get angry and become immobilized or do I learn to live with the situation for now and just move on? I'm strong...always have been, always will be...and I'm a good person and a devoted partner. I know the sun will come up tomorrow and in a year from now I will either have moved on or will be with her working on things...but for now, there is no way I can plan it or even think about it...I'm just here...NOW...