a very bad day- sorry to rant again
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Second Entry for August 30, 2006
Welll - today really sucks. I 'm pretty sure I've lost a friend today, I know I've lot an uncle-in-law.....Uncle Hank (Dan's uncle) He had a massive heart attack and passed this morning, and one of the best friends I'vr ever had is moving. I am a mess. I can only imagine the pain that everyone else who loved y=this man is going through.....he was one of those "pillars of the community" that everyone knew and loved......he has lots of kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews and so on.
To understand more n this post , please read here: http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?autom...&showentry=4367
I'm about reeady to give up on this life... I want a new one........
Entry for August 30, 2006
Well, I got my first thrashing about my blog here is a comment i received:
As i am the friend who let distrust set in, I feel i have the right to give my side. I know this is your spot Mel, and i respect that. But you told me written words are better than verbal. I emailed a question re one of kyla's appts. I waited for a response as long as i could, i signed up for another appt. and then i went on with my work/life. i was working two evenings in a row when that appt was scheduled, in Cinti, in the morning. You called me at 940 am when the appt was at 1030 somewhere i didnt know how to get to. If you felt some distrust, i felt some anger. I have been trying to bend to your needs; email vs phone, appts vs coffee, tolerance/acceptance*bill of rights* vs former friendship boundaries; I am upset. I checked my email after youcalled me very upset. i was not signed up to do that appt. i got no reminders, nothing. so.. i knew you were upset, so was i. the next day i do an appt. and catch a ride shows up.. this bothered me as well. it seems to me you called them to have a backup. i would understand that if i had truely "forgotten" girlfriend's appt. i wasnt ever signed up for it. i dont have to sign up on the website. i can just drop it. i am trying very hard, the only ways i know how, to be who you need me to be. but i seem to have to adjust more and more for you and yours, and that leaves my family holding the proverbial bag. i thik we need to have more open conversations instead of these quiet behind the scenes ditties.
Then why didn't you call /email/stop over after you read this? Instead you continue the "behind the scenes ditties" I am doing the best I can, I'm sorry if that isn't good enough for you.
Apparently there is a bit more going on than just this........but Jeweli, I am sorry to say that you wouldn't know because you asren't around......I know you are busy and Brent is busy - it just strikes me as a little hypocritical that you say you are bending over backwards for me but I have not physically seen you but once or twice in the past month. I don't ask you for rides or anything else aanymore because you do seem too busy. You have been pulling back from me for quite some time. I really appreciate wha you all did when thr stroke first struck, but now when it is becoming more and mmore clear what my disabilities are, it is too much to handle. I 'm sorry if you feel like you are "holding" the bag - but you have done a great job of shutting us out as well - You know my husband is a cop - I can't count on one hand the number of times he has come home and said - "oh, Brent and Jeweli were over at Jim and Kesha's house tonihjt, looks like they were grilling out and having a good time" Can't have open conversations if we aren't even there. So if you want to have an open conversation that's fine, but let's be all equal about it - it isn't just about me and my stroke and having to deal with the new me. It's just that our families, except for our girls don't seem to mesh very well right now - it may still be the lingering thing from Dan and Brent, I don't know..........but I do know that it is not all my fault. I know that you don't particularly like or get along with another of my girlfriends either or whomever else I hang out with and maybe that is a sore point too.It does seem rather odd that you don't show up at events where you know she's going to be. She has tried very hard to be friendly to you, but you have turned your back on her as well. So we can drop it from here, that's fine - I never needed you to change, just be who you were(or who I thought you were)
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