last night when i got home ashley( my 14 year old) asked me if i had written any "good" stories in my blog lately. i told her that i had a kind of writer's block. then she said" what about ernest". the memories FLOODED IN AGAIN.

ERNEST, THE "CARPET CLEANER"

the summer before i stroked i had waken ash up from a dead sleep one saturday with the phrase that she HATES to hear. ASHLEY, HOUSES DON'T CLEAN THEMSELVES!!!!! this means that we're going to have a 'CLEAN UP DAY".

after we spent ALL day cleaning, scrubbing, washing, cleaning up hardened cat dung out of the cats' room, we just sat in the den with two LARGE bottled waters admiring our handywork. she said" can i let the cats out of lockdown now". we have to "lock em' up" when we clean. otherwise you'd have kitties in the fridge, kitties runnning outside, kitties tripping you when you vaccumed, etc......

anyway, ash said " kim, i hate to say it, but now that the house is clean, this carpet looks like HELL!". she was right. it was like what getting a new outfit does to your shoes or purse. PLAIN raggedy. anyway, i said, "you know, i saw this new carpet cleaning business last week, not too far from here, and i'll bet they have good rates since they're new!!! i think i'll call them. ABOUT that time the doorbell rang.

his name was ERNEST and he was a proud representative of the new carpet cleaning business i had JUST mentioned!! talk about "karma". anyway, ERNEST walked through the house, told me he could "clean" my carpet for $60 and "throw" in the couch and chair since we were his first customers. i was ESTATIC!! so i made an appointment with him for the following tuesday at 10am.

well, tuesday got here and so did 10am and NO ernest. i called the place and they said they would page him. anyway, at 11:15am ERNEST showed up. i told him that i had changed my WHOLE schedule around and that i needed to go to work. he ASSURED me that it would'nt take very long and apologized. i gave in. i assumed that he had a crew with him because he STILL had on a suit. so, i said" go ahead" and went in the kitchen to call mother to complain about it.

after a few minutes i heard nothing, so i went in the den. and THERE was ernest with a KIRBY VACCUM CLEANER "SALES KIT"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WAS LIVID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i said" ERNEST, why did you lead me to believe that you were a PROFESSIONAL carpet cleaner when all you wanted to do was give me a demonstration!!!!!!!!?"

who EVER heard of a vaccum cleaner salesman CHARGING for this demonstration. you have RUINED my entire day!!!!!!!! now GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!" the whole time ernest was mumbling out "i'm sorries" while he was hurriedly packing up his "kit".

i followed him outside ( purse in hand) yelling at him that he was 'COMMITTING FRAUD, AND YOUR NAME MIGHT BE ERNEST BUT YOU ARE ANYTHING BUT ERNEST".... the neighbors next door were watching this scene as he shuffled down the driveway dragging his kirby vacuum cleaning supplies. i was like a MAD woman!!! i was beet red and sweating profusely. in my RAGE, i had locked myself out of the house.

it was one of the WORST days in my recent memory, and i STILL had dirty carpets. i doubt it was very pleasant for ERNEST either!!!!