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you are strong


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i get told this alot

 

wow you are so strong

 

you are amazing

 

how do you do it

 

you must be exhausted

 

i hate it

 

i hate hearing how strong people think i am

 

how amazing

 

being asked how i do it

 

if i am exhausted

 

i hate it because

 

i dont feel strong

 

i am not amazing

 

i have no idea how i do it

 

and i am so exhausted i cannot think straight

 

but instead i smile and say

 

thank you

 

and bashfully laugh

 

say it is not so bad

 

it is what it is

 

you do what you have to

 

it could be worse

 

i get enough sleep

 

what i want to be saying is

 

i am not strong i am dying under the pressure

 

you would not think i was amazing if you heard the thoughts that go thru my head

 

i have no idea how i do it i feel like a flippin robot same thing day in day out

 

of course i am exhausted physically mentally and emotionally

 

why do i feel it is necessary to be so polite and sugarcoat my answers for other peoples comfort

 

maybe because i want to believe what they say to me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Wow, thanks for saying exactly what I have been feeling. Like you, I have this uncontrollable urge to tell people that everything is alright even if it isn't. Why is it that we do that? Is it because we were raised to be people pleasures?

 

I sometimes think it is because if I let people know I need help, then their involvement will just turn into more work for me because I will need to coordinate their tasks. Easier to do it myself than as for help.

 

When it comes to money, I just get so tired of being needy!

 

Hope you week goes well...and you find a moments peace.

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Echoes of me I hear from you Kerry and from Ellen. It is easier to do it all yourself as having people "help" means setting up before and cleaning up after. It is exhausting caring for someone and while everyone else is having holidays, long weekends, time out and time off you as a caregiver are still on the job.

 

We ARE amazing Kerry, and if the thoughts that go through your head aren't in line with the things you do every day, that is okay. You are on the job despite not feeling you can go on.

 

Exhaustion is part of a lot of jobs, I am glad Ray and I had years together before this happened, some mothers have a caregiver role from the moment of birth.

 

I can only give you all the advice that has been given to me. It is all good advice, implementing it is the hard thing. Take care of yourself.

 

Sue.

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Kerry:

 

I used to feel the same way when anybody said that to me, and I think did blog about it, I am going to give Jean's answer which had comforted me for long time, sometimes in situations like ours people don't know what to say, so they say those things, instead of taking negatively think of what they are saying is they sure can't do what you are able to do, I feel all of us have been thrown with some burden in life, it's our attitude which will make tht burden look hard or easy, I sure hope Jean gives you great word of wisdom.

 

Asha

 

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Kerry,

 

You are doing one heck of a job just as all the other fantastic, terrific, and wonderful caregivers and family members caring for us survivors. Dear Friend, it only makes sense that you're feeling frustrated over the reaction of those not "in the know" regarding stroke - us survivors hear the same idiotic comments.

 

Yes, you are tired; yes, the same things are done day in and day out - you need to take Kerry-time too so you get a break. Even if it's a short period of time, it's better than no break at all. It's not the quanity of time spent on you - it's the quality of the time that counts/what is beneficial.

 

Chin up - :friends:

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"....why do i feel it is necessary to be so polite and sugarcoat my answers for other peoples comfort..."

 

Hi Kerry,

 

I don't think there is a caregiver in the world who won't identify with the emotions and thoughts in your poem. I personally think the answer to your question about why we are polite and sugarcoat the answers we give to people is because we instinctively know that we couldn't hold ourselves together, if we put our thoughts into actual, spoken words. We also know that it wouldn't change a thing. If we did admit it, what would it bring us? A few more "you poor dears" but in the end we still have to find the strength needed inside ourselves. Fortunately, listening to what at first is the misconceptions and compliments of others will eventually help their words to become the truth. We DO grow strong and become amazing when we get far enough out from the strokes to look back and see how far we've come.

 

Jean

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