i don't know where to begin. I cant stop crying. My left wrist won't stop hurting and Im tired of being this way! I couldn't even get my teeth fixed at the dentist because of the way I am. I cant do anything I want to do! Each year I think I will be back to normal after a new birhjday and surprise everyone when I go back to school but each year Im still gere doing the same things I was doing 5 years ago! I just dont understand! I mean Im happy to say I survived a stroke but why cant I be back to normal by now! Its not fair. I try so hard! No one understands! When my right arm is itching, I cant scratch it. When Im tired of being stuck in my room, I cant just get up a drive somewhere to clear my mind. I hate to even go for a walk because it only reminds me thats thats all I ever be able to do. I made so many goals back in 2001 when I was an inpatient in rehab. I thought I would be back to normal in no time. Almost 6 years later I am exactly the same only Ive learned to use my right hand to do the things my left hand never will be able to do! I get so tired of all the doctors appointments! I get tired of having to get my parents to drive me to my appointments then sit there until Im done then take my home. All I want is independence! I just want to drive if nothing else. But I guess thats too much to ask for. Anyway I am a danger to the road. I know I cant see so whats the point in even trying to change the doctors' mind. I'll always live life unaware of whats to my left side. I'll always have to wear my brace on my leg everywhere I go. There will always be someone tapping me on my shoulder to get my attenton since I cant see them. There wiill always be someone either asking me if I need help or watching me struggle to do things on my own. Yes it hurts to give up but it hurts even more to try and fail over and over again! Some things in life never change and I guess this is on of those things. I cant even remember how it feels to look straight ahead and know whats to my left! I cant even remember what its like to clap my hands or wiggle my toes! That dumb surgeon made the slightest mistake and now Im scarred for life! He gets to go on with his life able bodied and worry free making hundreds of thousands of dollars each year while I lay hear and drown myself in tears over the mistake he made! My doctor goes on with his stupid life driving his fancy car after he tells the dmv i shouldnt drive. Who is he to take away my right to freedom? What have I done to be denied the priviledge to not be on the road? I haven't driven drunk. I haven't been in an accident. I never broke the law but yet I am not given the priviledge to drive over something I can not change and never will be able to! Yes I can show my doctor that I can turn a steering wheel only using one hand but I can not show him that I can see a car coming into my lane while I am looking straight ahead. So I give up! I give up on everything! I try so hard! Theres not one thing I've been faced with that I did not give up on without aleast trying. I took the driver's ed! I exercise my hand! I do the research! I make the appointments with my doctors! but im realizing it is all pointless! Anyway Im done crying like a baby and complaining about things I cant change plus my right hand is hurting just as much as my left hand was from all this typing. Im not asking for comments because there is really nothing you can do to change my situation but if ou know how it feels not to be able to use one of your hands, not to be able to move one of your feet, or not to be able to see on one side, then maybe I will listen to what you have to say.