Cathy,

The issue I have with food now is that as a result of stroke it is just another thing that has taken control and taken advantage of my vulnerability. I never really had to watch what I ate because I always was active, able to exercise and burned it. I don't like the idea that I have to make meal choices based on my ability to burn them. I was never a comfort food person so fortunately I don't have that issue. I think the being thin part feels good but more than that I think it feels good to be in control of yourself. I bet you felt good about yourself when you made it to curves 4 days in a row. Being down in the dumps is usually a byproduct of feeling badly about yourself and constantly letting yourself down will do that. It becomes a vicious cycle. Having a doctor precribe drugs or having surgery might give you the end result weightwise, but it won't enable you to regain and earn the self respect you acquire through the self discipline it takes to get there. Sorry...not what you wanted to hear. You need to set small realistic goals you can attain put your mind to it and stick to it. In the end nothing will give you greater comfort than feeling good about yourself.

Congrats on your upcoming new addition.

Maria :friends:

cathy. everyone can gain weight, but not always lose it. especially after a stroke, dont be to hard on yourself. the ultimate bottom line is its mind over matter. you dont have to eat the bad things and can stop yourself. maria is right, it is a vicious cycle. just accept the fact that you cant exercise it off like you used to, i have gained also since my stroke but i also lose it according to my doctors scales. i just try to be more active. i don't thinks drugs or surgery are a quick fix either. the surgery is so extreme and usually only done on morbidly obese people. whatever you decide just remember to research it very well before doing it. i wish you the best in whatever you do. remember you have had a stroke and surgery may not be a good option due to blood clots. i too will be a first time grandmother in 3 weeks, i can't wait. congrats to you also.

Cathy,

I wish I was nearby and give you a big (((hug))). Our inactivity can definitely affect our ability to lose weight. So can the medications we are on post stroke. As Kimmie and Maria both said the gastric bypass surgery is an extreme option. Do you think that your belief that hubby is not pleased with you is because you are not pleased with yourself? Chin up Cathy, there are blessings for you: you survived stroke - don't let it win via depression, your hubby is by your side post stroke, and....you're going to be a grandma!! Whoohoo for you - Congrats on the news.

donna,

no, my husband told me to my face that he doesn't like fat people and that he nevre wanted to be married to one. so i'm not projecting that. on the other hand, he does stand by me. I wrote him a long letter expressing my difficulties and we had a good talk about that. he wants to help me with the depression and he agrees with my finding a therapist(Psychiatrist or psychologist) to talk to. I was sure he would tell me no on that one for financial purposes. but he supportss me there. i don't know what it is, i think part of the problem is that i am finally realizing that the old life is gone. no more little children to take care of and no parents to nurture me. i'm "on my own"

strangely enough when ever i think about my daughter being pregnant, i get weepy sad. its like a reminder of the life that i've lost. i don't know what to say about the bariatric surgery. i've been heavy for most of my adult life so i can't blame post stroke inactivity for it. depression is due to loss of control over my life. and food was a big comfort to me. if i could just not feel hungry, it would help. i've fairly active as a ssurvivor. i belong to curves and go at least 3-4 times a week . thanks for the virtual hug donna. you're only in pittsburgh, not that far. we are thinking of taking a trip to newlin west virginia to visit the homer laughlin fiestaware factory. maybe we could meet somewhere?

thanks, Cathy

cathy,

we all have down times on the recovery path.your hubby is still with you and supporting you and that is a positive thing. i feel bad about my weight now...like so many other i was very active before my stroke. i agree with maria and kimmie...what we put in our mouths is one of the few things we do have control over. it is not easy to give up a source of comfort but we do have a choice. and really, how long does eating that chocolate or ice cream make you feel better. you are not alone in your battle...i am trying now to eat healthy and take a short walk each day. take small steps..one day at a time......

i think we all hit a point after stroke when we have to let go of wanting our old lives back. taking that step is not easy but it brings peace. perhaps talking to someone will help you with that step forward.

it can be hard to see our children grow up as it is a chapter closing in our lives. yet again, a new chapter is begining with the birth of your grandchild. let me tell you they are a joy.

as far as hubby and his fat people phobia....try to let it go....take care of yourself, lose weight and exercise so you feel good about you!l also, try a journal....it can be a great tool in understanding our feeling. take care..kathy

Sue, kimmie and donna,

thanks for your responses. i ahd forgotten about this website and found it recently. i had been journaling on here last year and found it helped a great deal. I just helps knowing that we are not alone. i am off to curves this morning. it is free for me through my insurance and that is such a blessing, i can't believe. i have been eating healthily for 4 years now and it's just not coming off. guess i jsut have to work harder at that. and next monday we are invited to my daughter's home for dinner with her new in-laws when they will announce the sex of their baby! so in just one more week we're having a party! I read all the responses and take them to heart and try to work on accepting this new life, which is not really all that bad. i am here adn able to walk and talk with my children and others. so i have to try to push all of that negativity down and squash it. once and for all.

Cathy

Cathy,

The plot thickens.... Seems it's a bit more than just about losing weight. You want your groove back. Gotta tell ya. I spent a lot of time and energy not wanting to let go and trying to be who I was. After much beating myself up, frustration, and far too many tears I came to the realization that I would never walk as I once did or move as I once did so I 'd never get my groove back. Didn't mean I didn't know what it took and I couldn't reinvent myself. Stick with the weight thing ~ that's always good, but develop you new style and find your new groove.

Maria :friends:

maria,

i've been working on accepting my new self for quite a while now and i thought i had gotten it finally last year. so i weaned off the antidepressants, and now i find i'm not as far along as i thought. so i've scheduled an appointment with my doc and will ask for a referral to a shrink gotta explore all options

thanks,

Cathy :Argh:

Cathy,

That was always my concerm with antidepressants. My doctor always anted to put me on them, but I felt like they just deadened you from the issue and once you stopped them the issue would still be there. I think therapy is a much better way to go. It would really do me a world of good too. I'm still hanging on a lot too. I've never really made enough of an effort to find a good one in my area and keep procrastinating it. Need to get my act together about it.

Maria

cathy:

I read your blog and all the comments again & one more thing comes to mind which I want to share with you. I know which has helped me during my recovery to stay course on my acceptance journey.

we all need to learn to love ourselves one more time post stroke there is this book I loved it I won't be broken by Jerry white & try implementing those 5 steps in your life. & you will see life will b much better.

Asha