I would suggest that you give yourself a little time to sort through your feelings and have a talk with her about why you are hurt. Try not to blame her, just share your feelings of hurt and what has happened that led you to feel that way. Try to do it in a way that you can both remain calm and just sort out whats going on. Don't look for a fight, just resolution. Good Luck,

Kristen

Bart, we have a saying over here: "Don't drive mad." Too many accidents are caused by people who drive while angry feelings rage through their bodies and make them into careless drivers. If you get angry do whatever calms you down, find a quiet place, play some music, drink a few glasses of water, veg out for a while. DON"T DRIVE!

Family caregivers like me find it hard to switch roles, when I am doing everything for Ray I am "Nurse Susie" I am not the loving wife. When we are happily sitting in our easy chairs watching tv or sitting on our verandah sipping tea and watching the world go by THEN I am the loving wife. Don't know if this applies to your situation or not.

If Ray "died" it wouldn't make me happy, what makes me happy is for him to grin at me and say: "Thanks darlin" when I do something for him or " I really enjoyed that" when I make a special effort to cook something nice. We wives don't need praise all the time but for me I do like recognition that I work really hard to make our life together work and to keep Ray healthy.

Sue.

bart,

you both are going through so much right now.....feelings of loss, anger and why me happen for you and your wife. try talking with her......explain how you feel. also, sometimes talking with a professional can be very helpful. now is the time to tell your wife what you said here...that you love her. i suggest she read some posts and get some info on stroke if she is willing.

i understand your life has been turned upside down......please be patient with yourself and your wife and please don't drive when you are upset. kathy

Bart,

I know this seems easy for me to say from the cheap seats but try to understand that your wife is hurting now too. I went through this for a while with my husband. He finally broke down and said. You know this happened to me too. I lost you as I knew you forever and that hurt. One day you were there and all was good and we had a life and a future and the next everything changed and you and everything as we were was gone and it hurt. Maybe right now tending to your immediate needs is the best way she knows how to keep the family running smoothly and held together and believes that is what is most important and what you would want and is best.Try to understand that she and the whole famiy are adjusting to how the stroke has changed everyone's world.

Maria

I said a special prayer for you. I know this hurt. Try to let your wife know that you miss her and need her for far more than caregiving. Hugs Karen

hey Bart:

everybody gave you great advice. I feel lot of marriages break down causespouses can't handle stroke versus you are lucky your spouse is still there with you, though right now she is in nursing mode. but that can change show your appreciation of your love & need by telling her, instead of feeling rejected. I wish 100 times that my hubby would tell me he loves me or cuddles with me, everybody has different way of showing love & his way is through his actions.

Asha

Bart,

I swear you sound so much like me its scary. Maybe we can help each other,yours from the mans perspective mine from the woman's. Listen your wife loves you or she would not be there. Sometimes people just dont know how to handle anything that is different or out of sorts, but at least she is trying. I have a couple of sisters and had some friends who wont let anything or anyone distrupt their lives. Stroke disrupts lives, yours,mine our families. You are so lucky to have your wife. When I stroked I was going through a divorce, can you imagine being totally alone. You are not alone. Now lets keep it that way friend. you must get the book I will not be broken. or the Purpose driven Life. 2 must haves. for me and now for you. If you need a friend, I am here.

Ann